Surviving the Truth
by RobertaMarie
Summary: Meredith had a one night stand with her boss before she even knew he was her boss. Two months later, she finds out she's pregnant with his baby after they start a little fling. The night she decides to tell him, Meredith finds out he's married. (Multiple Parts) PART 1: Pregnancy PART 2: Baby's 1st Year (In the process of being revised)
1. Part 1: Chapter 1: The Truth(UPDATED)

**** Soooooo. I decided I'm going to rework this story to make it better a lot better, especially with the the second half of the story where it got shitty. I was never happy with the last chapters, so now that I have so much free time, that is what I'm going to do. So! If this is your first time seeing/ reading this story, I hope you'll enjoy it. And if you're a returning reader, well, thanks for coming back. Lol.**

 **Alright. Enjoy! ****

* * *

I met him at Joe's bar. It was the night before I started my first shift as an intern at Seattle Grace Hospital, and the night of the hospital mixer to meet all the incoming interns. I was sitting at the bar table drinking shot after shot of tequila when he walked up beside me. He ordered a single malt scotch and asked me if this was a good place to hang out. I told him this was my first time here, where he replied, th _is is my first time here too; new to Seattle, for matter of fact_. The man asked me what my story was, and I told him I was just a girl in the bar, and then he replied, _I'm just a guy in the bar_. That is where our story began.

I must have been drunk because when I woke up the next morning, he was laying on my floor butt naked on his stomach. I was running late, and I tossed one of my throw pillows on top of his ass, which woke him up. I couldn't remember his name, but finally he told me it was Derek, and I told him mines; Meredith. I told Derek by the time I get out of the shower, he should be gone, and with that, I ran up the stairs.

I was late to the hospital. After doing rounds with my resident, Miranda Bailey, who is also known as the Nazi, we all went down to the pit. My first patient ever was with a girl name Katie Bryce. She's a teenager who happens to do pageants. Katie was in the hospital because she keeps experiencing seizures and nobody knows why. That was the moment when I realized who I just slept with.

My Boss.

Derek is Dr. Derek Shepherd who is the head of the Neuro department at Seattle Grace. Turns out he was only working at the hospital for a week, hence why he said last night _he's new to town_. I have read articles and studies he has done while I was in med school, which makes this all much worse. Derek is considered one of the best neurosurgeons, he's almost ten years older than I am, he's my boss, and I had sex with him.

Crap.

We started a fling a few weeks after that. It was mainly just sex since sex was great with him. But then he wanted more; like a real relationship, and I couldn't bare the thought of people knowing we're together, or sleeping together. They will think I'm just using him to get in the OR, which I'm totally not. I didn't even know he was my boss when I first met him for a matter of fact.

It was two months later when I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked as I held the positive pregnancy test. I wasn't sure what to do. I just sort of began seeing Derek, and confessed to my roommates I'm sleeping with our boss. Now I'm having his baby.

I decided not to tell him the night I found out, but a week later. Derek was going to take me to a nice restaurant after our shifts. We decided to meet in the lobby of the first floor. Derek was sitting in one of the chairs looking at paperwork when I walked over to him.

"Somewhere out there is a steak with your name on it, and maybe a bottle of wine."

"See, this is why I keep you around." I smiled.

"So we need to talk." Derek said, getting up from the chair.

"We do need to talk." I agreed.

Derek put his jacket on, and helped me put mine on. It was at that moment when he turned around and stopped, staring a woman who was wearing a fancy fur coat. She walked over to us, and Derek immediately said, "Meredith, I'm so sorry. Addison what are you doing here?"

"Well, you would know if you bothered to return one of my hundreds of phone calls." She then turned to me and shook my hand. "Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd."

"Shepherd?" I stammered.

"And you must be the woman sleeping with my husband."

I looked at Derek sick to my stomach, and it's not just the morning sickness. He is married, and didn't bother to tell me. I've been sleeping with a married man. I didn't say a word, and headed towards the door. Derek was rushing after me.

"Meredith, wait! We should discuss this."

I stopped and turned around. "Here's a thought. No, quit following me!"

"At least let me explain."

"Explain!" I shouted. "You know when you should had explained? The night we met at the bar before any of the rest of it. Yeah, that would had been a nice time to discuss it."

"Look, I know how you feel."

"Oh really? I don't think you do. Because if you did, you would just shut up and just turn around to go back inside because you'd realize I'm this close to running you down with my car!"

When I got home, I ran up to my room, slamming the door shut, and locked myself in there. I wasn't sure how to feel. Obviously I was mad, but I'm not a crier, and I felt like crying.

Damn pregnancy hormones.

The next morning I didn't want to get out of bed and head in. I just didn't want to see nor talk to Derek, and I knew he'd attempt to. I went straight to the intern lockers and changed into my light blue scrubs. Dr. Bailey came in shortly and gave us our assignments for the day. She told me I was on Dr. Shepherd's service. Oops, wrong Shepherd. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's service.

Great.

If the day couldn't get better, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's patient wanted me off her case because she thought I was knowingly having an affair with Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's husband.

Again, I didn't know he was married. Oh, god, I'm pregnant with a married man's baby.

The day did get a little better, though. Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd defended me, and turns out she was the one having an affair; not Derek. That did make me feel a little better, but still, he should had told me the truth from day one. After my shift at the hospital, I decided to go over to Derek's trailer because I wanted to hear his side of it all.

"One night I came home, I parked my car, and unlocked my house. Something's different. Nothing's different; everything's the same, yet still something's different. And I stand there a while. And then I know. You see, these are moments for me; usually when I'm in the OR, where I know what's going to happen next." He took a sip of his beer. "So I go upstairs. As I'm walking down the hall, I'm trying to prepare myself for what I'm going to see when I enter my bedroom. I step on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me. And everything I think I know just shifts. This jacket that didn't belong to me is a jacket that I recognize. What I know now is when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just going to see my wife cheating on me, I'm going to see my wife cheating on me with Mark, who happened to be my best friend." Derek took another sip of his beer. "It's just so cruel. I left and I came out here."

"And you met me."

"And I met you."

"What was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over from being screwed?" I asked.

Derek didn't immediately answer. "You were like coming up for fresh air. Like I was drowning and you were saving me. That's all I know."

I stood there debating my options. I could forgive him right here and right now. I could tell him the truth about me being pregnant, though I don't know what's going to happen now that his wife is in town. Or I could not tell him at all and get back in my car.

I wasn't sure what to do. So I headed towards my car. I opened the door but didn't get in, obviously giving Derek some hope. But I just stared at him, and before I got in, I said, "I'm pregnant," and I drove away.


	2. Chapter 2: The Divorce Papers(UPDATED)

I stayed home from work today. I wasn't feeling well between the morning sickness and knowing I confessed my pregnancy to Derek all while his wife or ex-wife here working at the hospital. Apparently she's staying. I heard the chief offered her a job. I guess it doesn't mean she accepted it, but why wouldn't she? Seattle is one of the top trauma hospitals, and number one in Washington. Plus her husband is here or ex-husband or whatever the hell Derek is to her.

Izzie and George tried to get me out of my room in the morning, but I wouldn't budge. I even threw up which was perfect to prove to them I was sick since Derek is the only other person in this world who knows I'm pregnant. When I heard the front door open and closed, and the car leave the driveway, I left my room to get some breakfast. I made myself some toast since toast will be easy on my stomach. I went into the living room and wrapped a blanket around myself. I turned the TV on, and on the news was a fiery ferry accident. At that moment, I regretted not going into the hospital because I knew I'd be missing some good cases.

When I didn't show up at the hospital, Derek called me and continued to call me. I didn't answer any of his calls because I didn't want to speak to him. I'm not ready to. I'm still upset he didn't tell me about his wife. If he had told me from day one, or day two since we got drunk on day one, he is separated, it would have been an entirely different story. I wouldn't be upset with him because I would have known about the cheating wife.

I wonder if he's considering staying with her. It's not like he had already filed for divorce, right? He just left, and ended up in Seattle. There'd have to be something seriously wrong with him if he does stay with her. Once a cheater is always a cheater is what my mother has always told me.

I fell asleep on the couch, but was woken up by the doorbell hours later. I kept my red blanket wrapped around myself as I opened the door. I should have looked through the peephole at who it was because now Derek was standing in front of me. What time is it anyways?

"What are you-"

"Can I come in?" He asked. "I think we need to talk; like seriously talk."

"I don't want to talk about this, Derek, because everything is just complicated now. You're married. I'm pregnant with a married man's baby."

"I'm not staying with Addison Meredith. I'm divorcing her."

That quickly caught my attention. "You are?"

"Yes." He murmured. "We'll get the papers in the mail soon, we'll sign, and then it'll be just you and me and our baby."

"Who says I want to be with you now?" I asked.

"Because I know you love me and I love you and we're having a baby."

"Are you going to tell her?" I asked. "Tell Addison?"

"She's not staying, Meredith. As soon as we sign the papers, she's leaving; meaning she doesn't need to know."

Derek tried to lean in to kiss me, but I took a step back instead. "Not until it's official."

Addison was actually the one who served Derek with the papers a week later. She told him she'll only sign if he signed. Derek told me he got the papers and were going to sign, but when night came, and he took me out to dinner, the papers dropped out of his satchel, and I noticed he didn't sign. I dropped the papers on the table and told him to take me home.

On the car ride, he was trying to explain himself, but I quickly kept shutting him up because I didn't want to know what he had to say. He told me there would be no hesitation about signing the papers. When he pulled up to my house, I got out and slammed his door shut in anger. He got out of the driver's side and followed me.

"I told you, I don't want to have this conversation." I said.

"Meredith."

"You didn't sign the divorce papers. Fine I get it; end of discussion." I opened my front door, and Derek followed me inside.

"Meredith."

"What!"

"Oh... I usually say Meredith, and you start yelling at me. I haven't thought past that point. I actually didn't have anything planned."

I started to hit him out my door with my purse. "Get out!"

* * *

I went into the hospital the following morning, and Dr. Bailey told me I was with Derek today. I groaned at the thought and went on my way to find him since I couldn't get out of it with Dr. Bailey. Turns out he only wanted me on my service so I would be forced to talk to him.

"This is really hard for me, Meredith."

"Do you think this is easy for me too?" I asked. "I'm the one pregnant, and you're having seconds thoughts about signing the papers! But you know what? Let me make this easier for you. I'm not going to be that woman who breaks up a marriage or begs for you to want me. You can sign the papers or you can not. The choice is yours. And either way when it comes to this relationship, I'm out, because I'm really tired of this back and forth thing you have going on."

"Look, I was married for eleven years; that's elevens Thanksgivings, eleven birthdays, eleven Christmases, and one day I'm supposed to sign on a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that, not without a little hesitation. I'm entitled to a little uncertainty here; just a moment to understand the magnitude of what it means to cut someone out of my life. Addison is my family. I'm entitled of one moment of painful doubt, and a little understanding from you would be nice."

"And a little support coming from your end would be nice too!" I started to walk away but then stopped and turned to face him. "Maybe I should just abort this baby. Would sure make our lives a whole hell lot easier."


	3. Chapter 3: Mommy(UPDATED)

I was considering my options as I sat in the cafeteria with my friends eating lunch. I wasn't paying much attention to the conversation, but I'm sure they're talking about the latest hospital gossip. But back to my options. I could run; I could be transferred to a different hospital and run away to have this baby. That way Derek doesn't have to be involved. Or I could just abort this baby, even though I really don't want to. Then my third option is just stay here and have this baby on my own since Derek is being a huge McAss.

"Earth to Meredith!" Cristina shouted.

"Huh, what?" I asked.

"Daydreaming again?" George asked.

My eyes drifted towards Derek as I saw him enter the cafeteria. He was smiling like he was the happiest man on Earth. Maybe he signed the papers, or maybe he chose to stay with his cheating wife.

"Ugh, I hate him so much!"

"Who?" Izzie asked. "McDreamy?"

"McDreamy is no McDreamy anymore." I said. "He's a huge McAss."

"God, what happened between you and McAss?" Cristina asked.

"He didn't sign the divorce papers. And... he told me he would; there wouldn't be any hesitation. And he didn't sign them but he expects me to be waiting for him."

"Sounds like you're his bitch." Alex commented.

I glared at him. I wasn't in the mood for any fun and games. "I'm not anyone's bitch."

I got up from the table and threw my trash away. I needed fresh air, so I went outside and sat down on one of the benches outside of the hospital. I took my phone out and my eyes started to get watery as I dialed the numbers. I listened to the rings, and I began to sob when I heard a hello on the opposite end.

"Mommy?"

I wouldn't normally call my mother; or even tell her my problems, but I hoped she'd give me some insight of what I should do. My mother and I don't have the best relationship, so I was surprised to hear when she offered me to come visit her in Boston just to get away from all these problems for a few days. She even told me she'll call the chief to get my days off taken care of.

I left two days later. I didn't bother telling anyone where I was going because I'm trying to get away. I arrived in Boston right before five. My mom had a car waiting for me, and it drove me to Massachusetts General Hospital where she's the chief of surgery at. I went up to her office with my suitcase, and I found her sitting at her desk looking over some paperwork.

"Meredith, you're here." I wanted to give my mom a hug, but if anyone knows Ellis Grey, they'd know she isn't a big huger. "How was your flight?"

"Long, but I'm glad I'm here."

Mom told me to take a seat, and I did. "So you're pregnant."

"He's married mom, and I think he's going to stay with her... I just don't know what to do now."

"You don't need a man to raise a child, Meredith." Mom said. "Just take me, for instance. Look how you turned out."

"I wouldn't necessarily call that a complement on you, mom."

"You're a doctor. Not many people can do that. I must have done something right."

I was trying hard not to laugh because growing up, I rarely saw my mother. I mainly had nannies until I was old enough to take care of myself. But I didn't want to ruin this moment I was having with my mother, so I kept those thoughts inside.

"You really think I can take care of a baby on my own, mom?" I asked.

"You can always hire help. You probably will have to when you return to work. But this is your decision, Meredith. If you don't think you are ready for this, just terminate. Save both you and this baby the trouble. But if you think you can handle this, knowing the dad probably won't be around, I'll support you with that decision."

"Thanks. I really needed to hear that."

I took a cab over to my mother's house. I had endless of missed calls from Derek, and not forgetting voicemails I told myself I wouldn't listen to. I could careless about what he had to say to me, and I'm sure he can wait to tell me when I get back in three days. I decided to turn my cellphone off. This trip is to get away from everyone, which means they will be unable to reach me so I can focus on myself and decide what's best for me; which includes me seriously thinking about keeping or terminating the baby.

I hate the sound of terminating it, but maybe it'll be for the best; especially if he's staying with his cheating wife. I guess there's something seriously wrong with Derek if he's choosing to remain married to his cheating wife, and I probably don't want to have a baby with someone who is like that.

No. I don't care. I'm keeping this baby. Derek does not have to be involved, and Addison doesn't have to know I'm pregnant with her husband's baby. I can do this on my own just like my mom did with me. I mean, I think I turned out fine. I graduated from med school and in one of the best residency program in the country.

Okay, Meredith, we're having a baby.


	4. Chapter 4: The Secret(UPDATED)

I visited with my mom for two full days and left on the third. I found something interesting out about my mother because she finally chose to admit something to me. Ellis Grey, my own mother, was having an affair with my now chief of surgery, Richard Webber, who happened to be married to the person he's still married to today. And it gets better. Turns out she got pregnant. This situation is just like mine, except she knew he was married.

Mom decided to give that baby up for adoption because I was apparently a handful enough. Plus she couldn't bare the thought of actually raising his baby when he said he was going to leave his wife but ended up choosing to stay with her. Till this day, Richard has no idea about the baby or that she was even pregnant in the first place, and she made me promise this would stay between me and her. I promised, though I can't believe she thinks I would open my mouth.

I returned back to work the following day I flew back home. It felt good to be back, and I decided whatever Derek chose, if he made a decision yet to stay with his wife or not, I'm not going to care. I decided I can totally do this all baby thing on my own. My mother actually told me when I have this baby, she'll come fly to Seattle to visit. When does my mom ever willing come visit me?

As I was changing into my light blue scrubs, I noticed a little baby bump developing. I had to be at least three months along by now, which means I'm now out of my first trimester. I quickly pulled my shirt over my head so nobody else would notice my bump. After I was dressed, I met my resident outside the intern lockers with the rest of my group.

We went on rounds, and then she gave us our assignments for the day. I was with Dr. Burke on cardio, which I was thankful for. I also avoided Derek all day, and even Addison. I decided I was going to stay out of both of their martial issues, and when I do have to work with either of them, I'll try to be as professional as possible. After all, I'm the innocent one in all of this, and so is my baby. Derek should have been truthful to me since day one, and now I'm bringing a baby into this screwed up situation.

Dr. Burke asked me to get Dr. Shepherd for a consult for one of our patients. I silently groaned at the thought of seeing him, but I didn't argue because I do need to be work professional with Derek. Derek was in the CT room looking over scans when I knocked on the door.

"Uh, Dr. Shepherd. Are you almost done here? Dr. Burke needs a consult."

Derek turned to me. "You're back. Where did you go? I tried calling; you never picked up."

I ignored him. "Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Burke needs a consult." I repeated. "Almost done?"

"Yes, I'll be there in a minute."

I found Cristina in the lobby of the surgical floor. I needed answers about Derek, and I thought she'd know, since there was no way in hell I was going to ask Derek myself.

"Word has it he's staying with Addison Montcheater-Shepherd."

My heart sank. I guess there was still a little hope left that he would choose me and our baby.

* * *

Derek did decide to stay with his cheating wife. Maybe he forgot I'm pregnant. Or maybe he thought I went away to get an abortion. Yet, here I am, still pregnant, and waiting in a room to be seen by an OB. I decided after this appointment, I'll tell my friends about the pregnancy, and hopefully they won't judge me for keeping the baby.

My appointment went well. I'm about twelve weeks pregnant, which means I'm three months pregnant just like I thought. When I heard the heartbeat, I immediately fell in love, but then a image of the baby showed up on the screen, and I couldn't believe I could love something as much as I do with my unborn child. Maybe I'm not dark and twisty like everyone thinks I am after all.

I drove home after my appointment. Izzie and George were already home, and she was in the kitchen making dinner when I entered the house. Thirty minutes later is when she called me and George to the table. I decided this would be the perfect time to admit my pregnancy to them. I handed both George and Izzie a sonogram picture from my appointment.

"Aw, how cute!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Whose baby is this?" George asked.

"Mine."

"Wait what?"

"Is Derek the-?" Izzie didn't finish.

"Yes, but I think he thinks I got an abortion and he's staying with his wife, so I decided I don't need him and his baggage."

"Why would he think you got an abortion?" George asked.

"Because I told him I might get one, and then I went away for a few days after that. I was at my mom's in Boston, and he kept calling me, but I never answered. He left me voicemails, but I never listened to them. I'm done with Derek Shepherd, physically, emotionally, and romantically."

"Do we have to move out?" Izzie asked.

"You don't have to, but if you don't want to live under the same roof as a crying baby, I understand."

"Anything's better than moving back home. You know my mom irons my underwear?" George asked. "Why does my mom thinks she has to iron my underwear? I'm a grown man. I don't need my mom ironing my underwear."

Izzie turned to me. "So when are you due?"

"Mid May."

"Aw, I hope it'll be a girl!" Izzie squealed. "I'll buy her a lot of pink! Oh, and the thought of those cute little bows! I don't think you can tell, but I'm really excited."

I think she's more excited than I am.

A week later, I had my first doctor's appointment. I haven't been since I found out I am pregnant, and now that I've made the decision that I'm absolutely keeping this baby, I need to start being seen. I made an appointment in the morning before my shift at the hospital. My heart stopped when I saw the image of my baby on the screen. How is it possible to already love this child?

I was late to work in result of my appointment, and Dr. Bailey called me out when I finally joined my group on rounds. I told her I had an appointment which ran longer than expected. Bailey could care less and she had me down in the ER all day. I guess it's better than being on either of the Shepherds' service today.


	5. Chapter 5: An Unexpected Visitor(UPDATED

My stomach, and definitely my boobs, have been getting noticeably bigger. I'm sure everyone knows I'm pregnant by now without me making a huge announcement. They're definitely wondering who the daddy is. There're rumors saying Derek is, but there're other rumors saying I cheated on Derek just like his wife cheated on him.

I hate rumors.

Derek and Addison have been noticeably arguing around the hospital. Maybe he told her the baby's his. Maybe she's upset and going to divorce him now. I mean I wouldn't blame her. Wait. Why do I even care?

 _I don't care about Derek Shepherd._

 _I don't care about Derek Shepherd._

 _I don't care about Derek Shepherd._

I had just finished a surgery when Addison stopped me in the hallway.

"Meredith can you just tell me. Is Derek the father?"

"Go ask your husband."

"Meredith." Addison pleaded with her eyes. "I need to hear it from you."

"My baby has no father. I've come to accept that, and I'm okay with it."

"You don't want Derek around because of me." She concluded. "He's a good guy, Meredith. Would even make an amazing father. Don't do this to him because of me. He's always wanted kids." Addison paused and took a deep breath before admitting to me she's unable to have kids. "I've seemed to fail him in that department."

I think she was trying to guilt me into allowing Derek in. I'm not going to let her do this. She has no right to guilt me into anything. I'm doing what's best for me and my unborn child. Besides, I don't want a cheating woman to be my child's step-mother or second mother or whatever the hell she would be to my child.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let him hurt this baby just like he hurt me."

As I was eating lunch in the cafeteria with my friends, I could tell everyone was staring at me. I've been very hormonal lately, and I felt like yelling at everyone to stop, which I eventually did.

"I'm not a stupid museum artifact! Stop staring at me!"

"Meredith, calm down." Izzie said.

"No! I'm sick and tired of everyone trying to be in my business. Yes, I'm pregnant! And who is the dad you all want to know? Who the fuck cares because it's none of your business." Everyone's eyes drifted off me. "Yeah, look away!"

"Mer, relax." George said.

"Maybe I should just work at my mom's hospital. Nobody would dare to gossip about the chief of surgery's daughter."

"Wait, who's your mom?" George asked.

I got up from the table with my tray. "Ellis Grey."

* * *

I was so happy when my shift ended. I just wanted to go home and take a nice warm bubble bath to relax in. I changed out of my scrubs and then waited for the elevator. When it arrived and the doors opened, I saw Derek inside leaning against the wall. I could had waited for the next one, or even taken the stairs, but I just needed to get out of this hospital as fast a possible, so I stepped on.

I didn't say a word to Derek, though he did say hi to me.

"Meredith." He walked over to me, but I kept turning my body so I wouldn't have to see him. "Meredith, the least you can do is acknowledge my existence."

"Just leave me alone, Derek. You chose to stay with your wife. I'm okay with that and I'm giving you an easy out. I don't need you; we don't need you. I grew up without a dad, and I turned out fine. Just leave me alone."

The elevator arrived on the first floor and I stepped out. I was surprised when Derek didn't rush after me trying to get me to change my mind because usually he does. Instead, he just stood in the elevator stunned. Maybe he is realizing he fucked up how he dealt with this whole ordeal when his wife showed up.

Instead of going straight to my car, I sat down on one of the benches outside of the hospital. I had my arms wrapped around my little baby bump. I wanted Derek, but he already made his decision. He'd rather stay with his cheating wife than be with me even though he knew I'm pregnant at the time of his decision.

Am I even doing the right thing keeping Derek away? Is it right for me to keep my baby's dad away just because I'm mad he didn't pick me? No, he lied to me. He had two months to tell me about his wife. He never did. This is his own fault. I'm not letting my baby get involved in the mess he caused.

God, I must be my mother's daughter. She kept me away from my father because she was upset with him. I never wanted to be my mother, and now I am.

A week later, an unexpected visitor arrived at Seattle Grace that shook things up. I was at the nurses' station copying down a patient's health information from the computer to his chart when a man's voice said, "Invasive non-small-cell with a history of COPD? That guy's pretty much a goner."

I turned around and saw a tall, good looking man behind me. "Sensitivity, I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?"

"Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town. Makes me want to stay in bed all day."

"We just met and you're talking about bed. Not very subtle."

"Subtle's never been my strong suit. So do you go out with co-workers?" He asked.

"I make it a rule not to." He obviously didn't realize I'm pregnant. I must not be as big as I feel and think I am.

"Then I am so glad that I don't work here."

"Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?"

"Would that be wrong?"

As I was about to answer, the man received a fist to his face, and I quickly took a step back. The fist belonged to Derek. "What the hell was that?" I asked.

Derek was shaking his hand to ease the pain. "That was Mark."

"And your name is..." Mark said to me.

"Meredith." I answered.

"Oh, Derek's dirty little intern. I heard about you all the way from New York, and I'm sure you've heard about me." He grinned. "We two dirty mistresses gotta stick together if we want to survive in this hospital."

"Stay away from her, Mark." Derek said.

"And who gives you permission to tell anyone who can be near me or not?" I asked Derek. "I'm not your girlfriend, and you're married. You don't have that right anymore; not like you ever did in the first place." As I was about to walk away, I said, "Go ice that hand."


	6. Chapter 6: Gender Reveal(UPDATED)

I was out baby shopping with Izzie and even forced Cristina to come with me. I needed to start thinking about getting ready since he or she will be here in a matter of months. I figured I could get a crib, car seat, stroller, and other necessities that don't have to be gender specific.

"Why does everything have to be so expensive?" I asked.

"Maybe your famous, rich mom can help you out." Izzie said.

"So what my mom is Ellis Grey. Get over it, guys."

"I bet she helped you get into med school and into this program." Cristina commented.

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, she didn't. I had to do that all on my own."

"Maybe you should have a baby shower." Izzie suggested. "It'll be so much fun and people can buy you gifts. I'll plan it!"

"No! No, baby shower." I exclaimed. "I don't like baby showers. I don't want to torture myself."

"Torture yourself? Come on, Mer. It'll be so much fun!"

"I don't think so."

"Isn't your next appointment Friday? Will you be finding out the gender?" Izzie asked excitedly. "I'm so excited to know."

"I think you're more excited than I am... But yeah. Hopefully Friday"

A sales representative walked over to us as we looked at the cribs. "Hello, ladies. Is there anything I can help you all with?"

"Yes." I answered. "I'd like to get this crib."

* * *

I had just finished working my eighty hour limit for the week, and was on my way out of the hospital. I had stayed the night at the hospital, but still had enough time and energy to get breakfast before my doctor's appointment. As I got onto the elevator when it arrived, I saw Derek on it as well, but he wasn't dressed in his scrubs.

"Leaving?" He asked.

"Eighty hour limit." I answered. I don't even know why I answered. "You?"

"Surgery got postponed."

This elevator ride felt like forever. Why do elevator rides with Derek always feel like forever?

I quickly put my hands on my eighteen week pregnant belly when I felt something I've never felt before. I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt it again and again and again. Derek noticed my acting and asked me if I was okay.

"Ye...ah. Yeah." I smiled realizing what I just felt; my baby's first movements inside me. "My-" I reluctantly told Derek. "The baby is moving. I've... never felt it before." I rubbed my stomach and couldn't stop smiling. Now I'm even more excited to find out the gender.

The elevator arrived on the first floor and both Derek and I stepped off. He followed me out of the hospital, and before I got into my car, he said, "Hey, Meredith, what are you doing right now?" He was obviously risking getting yelled at by me again.

"Breakfast then doctor's appointment." I answered. Again, I don't know why I answered. "I'm, um... finding out the gender today."

Too much information, Meredith.

"Do you want to go eat?" Derek asked.

I don't know why I agreed. I don't even know what's wrong with me today. I guess I was in a not hating Derek Shepherd mood today because I ended up at a breakfast cafe with him. Derek kept tilting his head at me and giving me that McDreamy look I can barely handle.

Oh my god. Keep yourself together, Meredith.

"I just want to apologize to you, Meredith." Derek said out of the blue. "For everything, and you were right. I should had been honest with you from day one, but I didn't want to scare you away and lose you. I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I understand why you'd want me out of your life. I didn't treat you well when Addison showed up. I kept stringing you along and-"

"I'm over it; I'm over you; I'm over everything." I said. "I just need to focus on what's important now, and hating you is at the bottom of my list. I have a job to focus on, and a baby on the way. And god, Derek, I went out looking at baby stuff, and everything is so expensive. Izzie wants to throw me a baby shower, but I turned her down so quick, but now that I think about it, it doesn't sound like a bad idea; getting free gifts, I mean." I stopped myself from going on. "Listen, I'm over you, and I hope you and Addison are happy together; I truly mean it too."

"We're not." He admitted. "We're not because I'm not entirely over you. I was; I am in love with you, and I thought Addison and I could try to fix our marriage, but I'm seeing it as a huge mistake now. The damage that she caused is not fixable; especially with Mark here in Seattle now too. I'll just constantly think she's sleeping with him no matter what."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

Derek sighed. "I don't know."

I looked at my phone and saw that I had thirty minutes to get to my appointment. I can't believe I'm about to ask Derek this. "Do you want to maybe come to my appointment with me?"

Derek's eyes lit up in shock. A smile then formed on his face. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."

* * *

I felt awkward. My doctor had her hand in my vagina making sure everything down there was fine, while Derek was sitting beside me looking as uncomfortable as I felt. I don't even know why we feel like this because we see and do much more embarrassing things as doctors at the hospital. I sighed in relief when she moved to my stomach. Dr. Taylor poured the cold, blue gel on my abdominal area. I smiled when I saw my baby appear on the screen. When I glanced over at Derek, I saw him smiling as well.

Dr. Taylor measured the baby and made sure everything was developing well. She then asked me if I wanted to know the gender, and I answered yes.

"Congratulations, it's a girl."

I couldn't have been any happier hearing that.

Derek thanked me for inviting him to come with me after my appointment ended. I told him not to look forward to my next one being that he probably won't be coming. I still don't even know why I invited him to this one. I guess my emotions were just all over the place from feeling my daughter's first movements to him apologizing for everything. I guess I'm not fully over Derek. After hearing his marriage with Addison isn't going so great, it's giving me a little hope for there to be an _us,_ though I keep telling myself not to go back to him.

I'm concluding with this: My hormones are making me think less with my brain and more with my vagina and heart. That's not always a good thing.


	7. Chapter 7: Keep Those Panties On(UPDATED

I had to listen the whole car ride to the hospital how Izzie wanted to decorate my house for Christmas. Christmas; probably one of the most hated holidays I ever not celebrated as a kid. My mom was always working at the hospital, so I had to celebrate it with my nanny, alone when I was old enough to not need a nanny, or as a teenager, just throw a party. When I had enough of Izzie's reasoning, I finally caved, and that would probably be the worst decision of my entire life right here because when I got home that night, Izzie had a tree up and Christmas decorations all over the house.

I'm going to to kill her.

* * *

"Grey, you're with Dr. Shepherd today." Dr. Bailey said.

"Which one?"

"Derek Shepherd."

Thank god.

I finished changing into my scrubs. They're tight and I probably need to get ones with elastic bands now. I found Derek in the lobby talking to the chief and I walked over to him.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm on your service today."

"Meredith, I hear some congratulations are in order." Dr. Webber said. I was confused. "Do you know what you're having yet?"

"Oh, a girl."

"I'm sure your mother is excited. How is she by the way? Still chief at Boston?"

"Yeah, um... she's great. She said she'll be in town when the baby's born. I'll tell her you said hello." I turned back to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd, is there anything you need me to do?"

"Uh, yes. I have a pregnant woman in room 322 who is experiencing seizures. I need you to take her up to get a head CT.

* * *

I put Derek's and my patient in a wheel chair when I was paged the CT was opened for us to use. I walked passed Cristina, and we somehow started to talk about the baby on our way up.

"Izzie just keeps giving me all these gag-worthy baby names." I rolled my eyes. "I have my own list; she doesn't like my list."

"It's not like she impregnated you. Hey, here's a bright idea. Maybe you should ask the man who impregnated you about your names. You're on talking terms right?"

"You know the other day he apologized to me for everything? Turns out he's not happy with Addison."

"I hear she's sleeping with McSteamy again."

"Wouldn't be surprised. Derek is suspicious."

"Would you consider getting back with him if he divorces her?" Cristina asked.

"Ask me that again after I have this baby and I'm not thinking with my vagina."

"I don't know what he did," My patient spoke up. "But I think you should let your baby daddy in. Your baby needs a dad."

"And who are you?" Cristina asked.

"I'm Jen."

"Well we don't care about your opinion, Jen." She said. "So stay out of our conversation."

* * *

I went home exhausted from my day. My feet were swollen from being on them all day and I was starving. I ordered a large pizza and then went upstairs to take a nice, warm bubble bath since it wasn't going to be here for twenty minutes.

I needed that bath.

Fifteen minutes later, I climbed out and put my red fuzzy robe and slippers on. It was perfect timing because I heard the doorbell ring, so I rushed down. I took a twenty out of my wallet as I opened the door. I looked up and saw it wasn't the pizza guy.

"Derek." I breathed. "What are- what are you doing here?"

"I came over here to tell you that... I wanted to say, but now all I can tell you is that...I love you. I'm in love with you, Meredith Grey."

My heart skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting this at all.

"You gave me a choice, and I chose wrong. I know I'm a little late to tell you this, but I want to be here for you and our daughter. You don't need to give me your answer now. Take all the time you need to think about it. I understand completely if you say no, but I hope you'll still consider letting me be a dad to our daughter because she needs me. Either way, I'm divorcing Addison. And um... I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

As Derek was turning around to walk away, I shouted, "Derek, wait!"

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Derek looked at me and I jumped into his arms and kissed him. Again, I'm letting my vagina speak for me because I'm a very horny pregnant lady who hasn't been able to satisfy her cravings for sex. We broke apart when the pizza delivery man showed up and cleared his voice. I was a little embarrass, and quickly handed him the twenty, and told him to keep the change.

I invited Derek inside. I don't know why I did. It's not like I'm going to let myself have sex with a married man, even if he is going to divorce his wife. I don't even know if I'm going to get back with him for a matter of fact after the shit he pulled on me.

Again, at the moment, I'm thinking more with my vagina than brain.

"What's in that box?" Derek pointed to the box that was against the wall in the living room.

"The crib. I think I need help assembling it. I took one look and..."

Derek chuckled. "Well lucky for you, I'm a good handyman."

"Are you... really divorcing her?"

"Meredith, yes." He murmured. "Addison and I are over, for good."

"You've said all this before."

"But this time I mean it."

I dropped my eyes. "You should go. Izzie and George will be home soon."

"Just know if you ever need me, I'm just a call away."

"When your divorce is final, maybe then I'll consider my options. But right now, I just don't see any of this happening. I trusted you and then you went and broke my trust when you didn't tell me about your wife, and then chooses her over me. I just recently was able to put myself back together and... I don't want you hurting my daughter like you hurt me."

"And I want you to know that was the biggest mistake I've ever done. You're pregnant and I didn't choose you; I should have chosen you no matter what. I loved- love you."

Stupid hormones have me almost crying but I managed to keep myself together, though I really feel like just mounting Derek right now and have sex with him. Keep your panties on Meredith.

Keep your panties on.


	8. Chapter 8: Handyman(UPDATED)

It was two days later as I waited for Dr. Bailey to give me and the rest of us interns our assignments for the day when I spotted them.

My black panties; they were hanging up on the bulletin board.

I'm going to kill Derek.

I tried to ignore them, and only hoped Dr. Bailey wouldn't notice them, though I doubt she'd think they belong to the single pregnant lady.

"Grey and Yang, pit. Stevens, you're with me. And Karev, you're with Burke."

"I'm not with the vagina squad again?" Alex asked.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is out sick today." Dr. Bailey said.

"Yes!"

Bailey didn't notice them thank god, but I need to get them without anyone seeing me take them. I wonder if Cristina would be the best friend ever and steal them for me. Probably not, though everyone already thinks she's a slut ever since everyone found out she'v been sleeping with Dr. Burke.

I saw Derek down in the pit evaluating a patient. Just seeing him made me want to kill him for the panties incident. I still can't believe I slept with Derek Shepherd when I told myself not to. But I have to admit that sex was amazing. I think I can thank these pregnancy hormones for that. I've heard sex is amazing while pregnant, and now I have to agree it's true.

God, what's wrong with me? I knowingly slept with a married man.

Okay, Meredith, stay away from Derek Shepherd.

* * *

"Oh, so I think I finally decided on a name." I smiled. "What do you guys think of _Emma Mae_?"

"Is it a coincidence it's both your mom and yours initials?" Cristina asked.

"Didn't even realize it until you mentioned it." I frowned. "Do you think it'd be weird?"

"Absolutely not!" Izzie exclaimed. "I love that name, and I can't believe you came up with it."

"I think it's weirder her middle name is Mae and will be born in May." Alex said.

"Oh my god. I didn't even think of that." I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair. "God, she won't stop moving."

"Probably trying to tell you, 'Mommy, I hate that name'." Alex laughed.

Izzie glared at him. "I bet she's saying, 'Mommy, I love that name'."

"Please just stop, the both of you." I groaned when I saw that I was paged by Derek. "I have to go."

I'm not even on his service or even working on a patient with him. Why the hell did he page me? I waddled to the staircase he paged me to. I bet it's something about his wife. Maybe he changed his mind again, and not divorcing her.

"What?"

"Addison knows." He said. I was confused. "Addison knows we slept together. She found your underwear in my coat."

I wasn't sure what to say. "Not my problem."

"Meredith, she knows." He repeated.

"And why do you even care? You're still divorcing her, right? Or did you change your mind again? If that's the case, you can keep me and my daughter out of your life for good because I can't live with this back and forth thing you are doing. One moment you're getting a divorce, and the next you're not. I can't live like this."

"I'm divorcing Addison."

"How sure are you of that?"

"I'm divorcing her." Derek said once more.

"Then why the hell do you care if she knows we had sex?" I asked.

"It's the principle. I didn't want her to find out like this that it's over."

"Just keep me out of your divorce. Better yet, come find me when it's finalized, and then we'll talk. In the mean time, just keep it work professional with me. I don't want to discuss your divorce, a possible us, and most definitely not this baby. I want our only conversations to be about our patients, that's it."

"Meredith-"

"Derek, I'm tired of all this. I just want to go back to having a normal life before I met you. I wish I'm able to enjoy this pregnancy a lot more than I am, but I'm not because of you and your old life in New York. I just want this all to be over."

I walked away just as Derek called, "Meredith, I'm sorry for everything."

* * *

New Years had come and gone. I spent it with my roommates, and I did talk to my mom for a bit over the phone. I don't know why, but I feel like my mother and I are developing a better relationship because I'm pregnant. Should I be thanking Derek for impregnating me now?

I sat on my bedroom floor with all the pieces to the crib scattered all around me. Even with instructions it seemed impossible to build. I sighed in frustration an hour in.

I really do need a handyman.


	9. Chapter 9: Friends (UPDATED)

I have no idea how I'm going to fit everything I bought for the baby in my room. Sure I have the master room in the house which is the biggest room of all, but there is no space for anything but the crib. Izzie and George occupy the two other rooms, so there are no extra rooms available for my daughter to have her own for now. I think I'm going to have to kick them both out. Sure only one of them has to leave, but it'd be wrong if one moved out and the other stayed. Besides, I don't want to have to make the executive decision on who can stay and who can't, even though I'd let Izzie in a heartbeat since she can cook.

Maybe I should let her stay.

I wasn't sure how I was going to tell Izzie and George they had to go. I like having them here, but I need the space. Over breakfast I was going to tell them, but I couldn't manage to get those words out. Izzie asked me if something was wrong when I didn't respond to whatever she and George were talking about. I said no.

I told myself I would tell them tonight no matter what. I went over in my head all day what would say. I even asked Cristina if this was a good idea kicking them out, and she told me she would have kicked them out a long time ago.

I was the last one to get home because there was a patient I needed to monitor post surgery. Izzie was of course cooking in the kitchen. I went up to my room to put my things away, and came back down. George was sitting at the table talking to Izzie while she cooked. Why does every time I want to talk to them about moving out is the worse timing?

"You both need to move out." I blurted out. They both looked at me. "Crap. I didn't mean to just blurt it out."

"What?" George asked.

"We have to move out?" Izzie asked. "You said we didn't have to."

"That was before I realized how much a baby needs. My room is simply not big enough. Emma needs her own room, and I can't just kick one of you out."

"Sure you can. Kick George out!"

"Hey!" George exclaimed.

"Meredith, can't we just work something out?" Izzie asked. "What about converting your mother's office into another room? Like does she really needs an office here?"

"See, good idea!" George said. "And I think Izzie should take that room."

"No, you are. I came up with the idea."

"See, this is what I'm talking about. You can't even decide who would take that room if I agreed to turn it into another bedroom. I'm sorry, but you both need to find a new place and be out by April."

* * *

Valentine's Day had to be the worst next to Christmas and Thanksgiving. I never had anyone to celebrate it with, so because of that, I would always go to the bar and possibly bring someone home if not let someone bring me home. Obviously that's not going to be happening this year since I'm six months pregnant. It's probably for the best anyways pregnant or not.

Luckily I was working the night shift at the hospital, so I was able to distract myself for the most part from this awful, awful holiday. Things did get pretty exciting at the hospital. A flower truck ran into our emergency room. Flowers went everywhere, same with chocolate. I'm not proud to admit this, but I did steal a box or two of chocolate.

Don't judge me. I'm pregnant.

"Making pregnant people work the night shift should be illegal." I said to Alex.

"Maybe you shouldn't go off and get pregnant then. And I'm really not feeling like hearing about your problems. I got my own problems to worry about."

"Need to talk about it? Maybe I can help."

"I don't need advice, Grey."

"Just trying to be a friend to you is all." I got up from where I was seated. "I'm going to an on call room. Have me page if I'm needed."

"I found out I failed my medical boards." Alex spoke up. "The chief is letting me retake them in two weeks. But I'll probably just end up failing them again, and then I won't be able to become a doctor, and I wasted my time going through med school."

"If you ever need help studying, Alex, I'm here for you."

"Just don't tell the others. It's embarrassing."

"It's not as embarrassing as what I'm going through right now." I pointed to my stomach. "This is my boss's baby."

"Technically, Webber is our boss."

"Then this is my teacher's baby, who was married at the time I got pregnant. Now tell me, Alex, who's situation is more embarrassing?"

I helped Alex study quite a lot. He may not be my favorite person, but I'd hate to see him leave. I didn't tell anyone the reason I was hanging with Alex more often, though Cristina suspected I was sleeping with him. The thought of sleeping with Alex made me sick to my stomach.

I was probably more nervous for Alex than he was for himself when his results finally came in. Apparently our study sessions paid off because he had passed, which means he can remain being a surgical intern at Seattle Grace, and the rest of the hospital will never find out about this re-test not that it's really their business to know.


	10. Chapter 10: I'm a Mommy (UPDATED)

The final months of this pregnancy couldn't come soon enough. As I was reaching my final weeks, I was feeling more uncomfortable than ever, especially once the baby dropped, which means she'll arrive any day. I was in a surgery with Dr. Mark Sloan when it broke. At first I thought I had peed myself, but liquid continued to drip, which made me realize it was my water.

After informing Dr. Sloan that my water broke, I scrubbed out and called to inform my doctor. I then went to tell my resident. Dr. Bailey actually helped me get checked into the hospital so I could be immediately given a room, and I wouldn't have to wait around like most laboring moms have to. I guess there're perks for being a doctor.

I tried calling me mom, and I wasn't surprised when she didn't pick up. So I just left a message telling her I'm having the baby and will talk to her later. My friends would stop by here and there, and for some reason, I always saw Derek lingering out in the lobby of my room.

"He's like freaking out, Mer." Cristina said. "Cancelled all his surgeries for the rest of the day."

"Because of me?"

"Well it's not because he has a hair emergency."

"Is it bad I hope Emma will have his hair?" I asked.

"No. Shepherd has god-like hair, and you have split ends." I shut my eyes when I felt another contraction. "Maybe you should let Shepherd in the room. That's why he cancelled his surgeries; in case you change your mind."

"I don't want Derek in the room, and you can tell him that too. I need an epidural." I snapped.

"You told me not to let you get one no matter what."

"Cristina! I need an epidural if I want to get through this!" I shouted. "You don't understand how fucking bad it hurts! It feels like someone is just continuously punching me!"

"You're only at like three centimeters and you're already complaining about the pain? Maybe you do need an epidural because it's gonna get way worse when you reach ten and gotta push that sucker out of you. I bet you'll rip."

"Get out!" I shouted.

Six hours and eleven minutes later, I had Emma laying in my arms, swaddled in a white hospital blanket. She definitely looks a lot like Derek, besides having my blonde hair. My eyes drifted off her and towards the door when I heard a knock on my open door.

It was Derek.

"Hey."

"Hi." I murmured. Derek walked further into the room, taking my _hi_ as a welcoming in. I looked down at my sleeping daughter and then back at Derek. "This is Emma."

"Emma." Derek smiled.

"And she almost killed me." He chuckled, knowing I was exaggerating quite a bit. "But she's perfect and I love her so much already."

Derek asked if he could hold her, and I said yes. I don't know why I said yes. as I watched him holding her, I realized I shouldn't do this to Derek and keep him away from Emma. Emma needs her father. Plus, Derek looks good with a baby, and he continues to show me he's all in, even when I repeatedly tell him, _stay away, I don't want you around_. Derek's been patient with me, and I think it's time to reward his patience.

Derek sat down on my bed after giving Emma back to me. "You did good, Meredith. You'll be an amazing mother."

"I'm scared I'll be just like my mother. She loved the hospital more than her own daughter, and would rather spend holidays there than with me. Do you know how many holidays; how many birthdays I spent either with my nanny or alone?"

"You're nothing like your mother, Meredith. You will be nothing like your mother."

"She never wanted me, Derek. And I hate to say this, but I didn't want Emma either. But now that I have her, I can't believe I even considered terminating her." A nurse came in and told me it's time to try to feed her. "You should go, but um... thanks for coming by."

"I'll be by tomorrow."

* * *

I was brought breakfast as I was feeding Emma breakfast the following morning. I always told myself I would breastfeed, but I never knew how difficult it would be to breastfeed until now. And it hurts like hell, maybe even worse than labor itself. I feel like my nipple will fall off too. No wonder why women use formula instead. My breakfast isn't that great either. I'm pretty sure the pancakes I was brought was frozen, same with the eggs and fruit.

"Why do you hate me so much, Emma?" I asked. "Is this called karma for saying I didn't want you because I take it back. I want you." I looked over to the door when I heard a knock on it and saw Derek with a bag in his hands. "Oh, please tell me there's food in that bag."

"How are you?"

"I'm positive she hates me."

"Meredith, she doesn't hate you. She's barely a day old. She doesn't know if she hates you or not. She doesn't even know what hate is yet."

"Exactly, _yet_. Emma is going to hate me."

"Stop being ridiculous, or I'll just take this bag of food away, and you can be stuck eating this shitty hospital food."

"Thank you." I looked down at the baby when I felt her stop sucking on my breast. "Are you done torturing me?"

"I'll burp her, you eat." Derek offered.

"Why are you trying to be our knight and shining whatever"

Derek's pager went off and he looked at it. "I have to go. But for your information, I am your knight and shining whatever." I smiled. "I'll stop by later."

* * *

I was eating lunch with Cristina when there was a knock on my door. My eyes drifted to that direction and saw my mother.

"Mom, you're here."

"I am here." Mom walked further into the room and introduced herself to my friend. "Ellis Grey, and you are?"

"Dr. Cristina Yang. Big fan of your work, Dr. Grey; the Grey-Method, genius."

"Stop kissing my mother's ass, Cristina." I said.

"You know what? I will go and leave you two alone."

When Cristina left, I asked my mother what she was doing here. I told her I wasn't expecting her so soon after I had the baby. She told me she didn't have any important surgeries, so she dropped everything and flew out. I was shocked when she told me that because usually she puts surgery above me. I guess not this time.

Mom was bonding with Emma a little bit to my surprise. Maybe she'll be a better grandmother than she was a mother. Maybe it's because this isn't her actually child, and she doesn't have to care for it. Derek entered my room full of smiles while I talked with my mom, not even realizing my mother was in the room until she asked, "And who are you?"

"Mom, this is Dr. Derek Shepherd; head of neuro here." I introduced. I looked at Derek. "This is my mom, Dr. Ellis Grey."

"I should go." He nodded once.

"You must be the married dad." Mom said. "How does your wife feel about this?"

Derek cleared his voice. "Actually, I'm divorced."

Mom turned to me. "So you were able to tear this poor man's marriage up after all; didn't think you had it in you."

"Actually, Dr. Grey-"

I cut Derek off. "I did no such thing, Mom. He and his wife tore their own marriage apart. I stayed one hundred percent out of it. So, yes, Derek is the father, no I didn't tear his marriage apart, and yes he's going to be in her life."

"Why?" She asked.

"Because look how I turned out without a dad, mom. No, look how I turned out without neither a mom nor a dad. You were never there for me once. I actually think this is the only time you are minus when I graduated from med school, and of course the day you gave birth to me because it's not like you could have passed that responsibility off to the nanny. You never wanted me, or at least it felt like you didn't. And now I feel like I'm going to be just like you, and Emma can at least have one parent who cares for her if I do end up like you. So yeah." I turned to Derek. "I'm keeping you around if you like it or not."

"I think I can survive." He smiled.

* * *

"You know a part of your dad job means you need to make sure she's forbidden fruit when she's a teenager? You think you can handle scaring the boys away because she doesn't need to be exactly like me?" I asked.

"And how exactly were you?"

I shook my head not wanting to answer. "Forbidden fruit, Derek, just remember that."

"I'm a brain surgeon, Meredith. That alone can scare the boys away." He joked.

"Oh, and no dad jokes because nobody likes dad jokes."

"That's the best thing about being a dad." He joked. "Who's last name is she getting?"

"Actually, I was thinking hyphened; Grey-Shepherd."

"But what if she get's married and decides to hyphen her last name? She'll have three last names? That's too many names; Grey-Shepherd-Miller. And should I bring up you chose her name and you don't see me fighting to change it."

"First of all, I hope she won't marry a man with the last name Miller. Secondly, you just told me you like her name"

"You know I'm right, though."

"I know. I just hate you when you're right." I looked down at Emma when I saw her waking up. "I don't want to fight over this. So fine, she can have just your last name."

"Let me see her." I handed Emma to Derek, and he looked at me and grinned. "So what do you have against the name Miller?"

"Shut up." I kicked him playfully since he was sitting on my bed. "Have you told your family?"

"I haven't spoke to them since I moved to Seattle." He admitted. "But I'm sure Mark and Addison have been filling them in on everything; won't be surprised if someone shows up tomorrow."

"I'm hiding my baby if one does."

"Hide me while you're at it."

I smiled. "Don't count on it."


	11. Part 2: Ch1: Meet The Shepherds(UPDATED)

**Part 2**

The Shepherd family.

I met them while I had baby spit up all over my shirt, in my hair, and holding a crying baby in my arms as I answered my front door. I didn't realize who they were at the time, and told the five women I didn't want whatever they were selling. As I was about to close the door, the oldest woman in the group introduced herself.

"Carolyn Shepherd and you must be the woman who had my son's child."

Crap.

I excused myself and shut the door, locking it. I immediately called Derek. He answered rather quickly, though he did say he was in surgery so I had to be quick. "Oh it will be. Why the hell would you send your mother and sisters over to my house?" I struggled trying to get my boob out from my shirt so I could get Emma to stop crying. "Emma's hungry, tired, cranky, and so am I! And, I'm pretty sure they think I don't know what I'm doing because Emma was crying bloody murder when I answered the door. And god Derek, I'm not letting them inside, and they can stay out on my porch all day for all I care."

Derek interrupted me. "Wait. Did you say my mother and sisters are here?"

"Why else would I be calling and yelling at you right now? Because I'm bored? Oh I'm far from bored. I'm tired and not in the damn mood to entertain."

He sighed. "Well what do you want me to do? I didn't even know they were coming, nonetheless even talked to them."

"Get rid of them!" I shouted into the phone. "Or I'm going to kill you Derek because I'm seriously not in the mood."

"Meredith, just calm down and relax."

"Calm down? Did you seriously just tell me to calm down? You try being home with a crying baby twenty-four seven running on no sleep!"

"I have to operate with little sleep."

"But you have on call rooms at the hospital; quiet on call rooms. I don't get that!"

Derek sighed again. "Listen, I'll call mom and tell her now isn't a good time for you. Okay?"

I took a deep breath. "That's all I'm asking for."

"And I'll be over in a few hours."

"You better."

"I will." He answered. "I need to go. I'm in surgery like I said, and the whole OR heard you screaming at me."

"Like I care. You're someone who needs to be yelled at."

Derek came over around five which is early for surgeons, but because he's a new father, he leaves early so I don't have to spend the whole day alone with the crying baby. It's not that I don't love her, but god, the constant crying is going to make me go insane. No wonder why my mother had nannies.

Immediately, as Derek entered the house, I handed Emma over to him so I could go upstairs and just take a nice long warm bubble bath. I'm going to start calling this "me time" because this will be the only time I'll ever have time to myself besides when I'm sitting on the toilet. I reappeared back downstairs an hour later. I sat down beside Derek on the couch, where he was watching the Seattle Mariner's baseball game, while holding a sleeping Emma in his arms.

"Daddy must have the secret touch." I sarcastically said. "She rarely sleeps when I have her."

"Obviously she loves me more." Derek smirked.

"Oh please. She's probably just tired because she doesn't slept during the day which pisses me off even more than an unwelcome visit by mama Shepherd and her ducklings."

Derek chuckled. "Mer, I don't want to see them as much as you do, but they won't leave until they meet you and Emma. So let's just have them over tomorrow for dinner, and they'll be on the first flight out of here."

"How about _you_ have dinner with _your_ mom and sisters at _your_ trailer and I stay here with Emma?" I suggested. "I'm sure they'll just love the trailer; upper class New York meet the forest."

"How about I bring Emma with me and you stay here?"

"How about you're not going anywhere with my baby without me; especially to that trailer."

"Then it's settled. We're having dinner here tomorrow." He grinned. "It'll be perfect. We can defrost one of the meals Stevens made and pretend you made it."

"I'll lock myself in my room then and you won't be able to get me out because there is no way in hell I'm about to deal with the Shepherd women. There's a reason why you've been avoiding them, and I'm not falling for it."

"Why do you have to be so difficult?" Derek asked. "Emma, why does your mom have to be so difficult? Grandma just wants to meet her and you."

"Grandma number 2." I corrected. "My mom's grandma."

"Oh, my mother is just going to love that. Would you like to be the one to inform her?"

"Then she can argue about it with my mom for all I care." I said. "Did you defrost one of the meals Izzie made? I'm starving."

* * *

I can't believe Derek got me to attend dinner with him and his Shepherd women. I told him I'd attend, but there was no way in hell I was going to pretty myself up for this dinner. I'm staying in my comfortable sweats and t-shirt, and that's that. Okay, I wasn't actually going to wear sweats and a t-shirt, but Derek knew better than to argue with me because he really wanted me to attend this dinner. Sometimes Derek is a smart man, but other times he's a brainless brain surgeon.

I did dress myself up a bit as in put on a bra, and wear clothes that are not sleep/ lounge wear. I even put on some makeup, which I haven't done since before Emma was born. This may not seem like dressing up, but for me, someone who just had a baby, this is dressing up and I don't want to hear anything from anyone.

I heard the doorbell ring around seven. I was sitting on the couch holding Emma as I shouted to Derek, "I'm not getting it!"

Derek shook his head and smiled at me as he walked through the living room to get the door. "The door is literally right there, Meredith."

"I know, but last time I got the door when it was your family, I slammed it in their faces and never returned. You don't want to risk the chance of that happening again when the chances are high, do you?"

Before Derek answered the door, he pointed at me and said, "Be nice." When he opened the door, his mother gave him a hug and Derek whispered something to them all as they entered. I'm pretty sure he was telling them to be nice also.

"Mom, sisters, this is Meredith and Emma." Derek introduced entering the living room.

"We met yesterday." Carolyn said.

"Before she-"

Derek cut one of his sister's off before she could finish her sentence. "Women be nice to each other."

"We don't answer to women, Derek." Another sister said. She turned to me. "Hi, I'm Nancy."

"And Kathleen, and Lizzie, and Amy." Derek finished.

"Amelia." She correct. "Only Derek is allowed to call me Amy."

I heard the buzzer go off in the kitchen and got up from the couch, handing Emma off to Derek. "I'll check the food." I just needed to escape and that buzzer couldn't had come at a better moment. I opened the oven and thought the food looked done, so I turned it off. We defrosted a lasagna that Izzie made and froze for me since I'd be too busy taking care of Emma to actually cook.

Which reminds me, I need to tell her to make me more meals. I'm running low. Moments like these, I regret kicking my chef out.

I took the lasagna out of the oven and set it down on the table beside the bowl of salad that was made to go with it and bottle of wine. Obviously I won't be drinking because I'm breastfeeding, though if I want to get through this dinner, I probably need something.

No, Meredith, no drinking.

I went back into the living room and told everyone the food is ready. Derek's mother was holding Emma, but I asked for her back since it's feeding time. I decided I'd defrost a bottle that I froze so I wouldn't have to breastfeed and be able to eat at the dinner table with the rest of them. I was the last one to come to the table because of that, but Derek was nice enough to make me a plate.

"So you're living together." Carolyn said. "I suppose it's the right thing to do. Are you planning on getting married as well?"

I looked over at Derek for him to answer. "Actually, I'm only staying here until Emma starts sleeping through the night and we're not together so no wedding bells in the future unfortunately for you guys."

I remained quiet as I held Emma in one arm as I fed her with that same hand.

"You have a child together, Derek." She said. "You need to get married."

"He just got divorced, mom. No need for him to be rushing into another marriage that will fail." Kathleen said. "Just this time he has a kid."

* * *

As soon as the front door closed and everyone was gone, I began yelling at Derek. "And this is exactly why I didn't want to have dinner with them!"

"Meredith."

"No, listen, they hate me! They obviously think I'm a stupid, young intern. I'm not even as young as they probably think I am; maybe for you I am, but I'm almost thirty, Derek. They see me as a child not being responsible while having sex. And I bet they think I got pregnant on purpose to get your money."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Don't be ridiculous? Don't ever bring them over to my house again. And next time they show up unannounced, I'll probably just yell at them." I went up to my room with Emma and slammed my door shut obviously upset. I climbed into my bed and snuggled with my daughter. "I hate your dad's family, Emma."


	12. Chapter 2: Back to Work (UPDATED)

My two months off from work was much needed, but I was excited to be going back. I've been getting sick and tired of being at home all day every day with Emma. I love her, don't get me wrong, but I need to be away from her to miss her. Unfortunately for me, the intern test is literally the first Friday I'm back, but luckily since I haven't been working, I've been studying and Cristina, George, Izzie, and Alex have been coming over to study with me, so I'm pretty sure I'll be fine.

Emma is staying in the hospital daycare which is convenient for me and Derek. Plus it's free to all doctors and nurses so no complaining here from me. All week Dr. Bailey gave us the opportunity to study for our, what she has said, "most important test in our entire surgical career". This test will determine whether or not we have what it takes to be a surgeon. I had to beg Dr. Bailey to let me actually work since I've been on maternity leave and been studying for the test for the past few weeks.

"Fine, you can be with me today." The other interns groaned because they'd rather work than study too. "Hey. Hey. Hey. I don't want any complaining to me for not allowing you extra time to study if you all fail. Now go. And Grey, follow me. You have plenty to catch up on."

I smirked at my friends as I followed Dr. Bailey down to the ER. I knew they were jealous of me, but I've been jealous of them ever since my maternity leave began. Actually, no. Since I learned I was pregnant, especially pregnant by.

During my lunch break, I went down to the daycare to get Emma. Luckily it's right before her lunch feeding, so I was able to relieve my full of milk boobs. Let's just say I forgot to bring my breast pump with me and will remember tomorrow because my boobs are extremely sore and I'm leaking, which isn't fun either.

I was feeding Emma in the cafeteria as I was eating lunch myself. Alex and George definitely felt uncomfortable even though I had a blanket covering my boobs and Emma as she sucked on it.

"Grow up." Izzie said. "Breastfeeding is a beautiful and natural thing."

"I feel like a dairy farm." I spoke up. "A cow to be more specific. My stomach not fully back to normal isn't helping with how I feel either."

"Mer, you look fine, okay?" Cristina said.

Emma finished eating. I put my boob away and revealed Emma from under the blanket. I saw Derek walking over to me and I smiled. "Perfect timing, dad. Your daughter needs to be burped."

Derek placed his tray of food down on the table and pulled out a chair beside me before taking Emma. "Hey, baby girl." He held her up in the air and gave her a kiss before I handed him the blanket so the spit up wouldn't get all over him and her. "So I'm planning on going to Joe's tonight." Derek said to me as he patted Emma's back. I just stared at him in complete silence and he went on. "With Mark. Can you believe he wants a drink with me?"

"Two questions. Since when are you friends with Mark?" I asked in disbelief.

"Since my mother made us talk things out like an old married couple."

"And two, why do you get to go out drinking when I can't?" I asked. "Is the woman the one who automatically has to stay home taking care of the baby while the dad goes out having fun? Are you planning on sleeping with someone too? Maybe you need to steal some condoms from the clinic so another Emma won't happen."

"Meredith, if you don't want me going out, just tell me. It's just Mark. I can give him a rain check." When I didn't respond, a smirked appeared on Derek's face. "You're jealous." He concluded. "You think I'm going to pick up a girl from the bar like I did with you, and you're jealous."

"Yes I'm jealous; jealous that you get to go out drinking while I have to take care of _our_ daughter."

That smirked remained on Derek's face. "You're not just jealous, you're also in love with me still."

"No, it's unfair that you get a break from parenthood and I don't." I saw Mark enter the cafeteria. "Why don't you go eat lunch with your new old best friend because you're annoying me right now."

"My pleasure, honey." I crumpled up a napkin and threw it at Derek. He just walked away laughing.

"Oh, you're so still in love with Shepherd." Cristina said.

"Shut up."

* * *

I was exhausted by the time I got home at eight. I don't know how I'm going to survive taking care of practically a newborn while I'm working. I don't blame my mother now for hiring nannies. I'm seriously thinking about getting one now.

I never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth.

I hate myself now.

I laid Emma down in her crib when she fell asleep and I grabbed the baby monitor on the way out. I went back downstairs and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and sat myself down on the couch to eat it while watching TV.

God I'm tired.

I think I must have fallen asleep on the couch because I began to wake up when I felt someone picking me up. I kept my eyes shut, but I knew it was Derek taking me up to my room. He gently laid me down in my bed and put my covers over me. I heard Emma begin to cry through the baby monitor and Derek quickly left so her crying wouldn't "wake" me up. I opened my eyes when he left and smiled as I heard him talking to Emma through the baby monitor.

Why does he have to be such a good man?


	13. Chapter 3: Jealousy (UPDATED)

I felt bad for George. All of us interns passed our intern exams except for him, and frankly I'm surprised I passed. Luckily, though, the chief is allowing him to redo his internship, but unfortunately for him, one of us; Cristina, Izzie, Alex or me will probably be his resident and will be bossing him around.

I really hope it won't be me.

The chief gave all the returning interns/ new residents a month off from work once our results came in. I hated that month off because again, I was at home with the baby with nothing to do. At least Emma has been sleeping through the night because I've been able to catch up on some much needed sleep.

That reminds me. It's time for Derek to leave my house.

Derek entered my house just as I got off the phone ordering pizza. Before he could get much further than a few steps from the door, I stopped him and held my hand out. "I need my house key back."

"Why?"

"Because of our deal. Once Emma starts sleeping through the night, you get kicked out and back living in the trailer. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but your daughter is sleeping through the night if you haven't noticed. Get out of my house now." Derek smiled and gave me a _you're cute_ look like I'm just teasing him. "I'm serious Derek, get you and your crap out of my house."

"Yeah... that's not going to work, Meredith." He walked passed me and headed for the stairs. "I sold the trailer."

"Well why the hell would you do that?" I asked turning to face him.

Derek was already half way up. "Because I'm building a house."

I followed Derek up the stairs. "Shouldn't we have talked about this? Maybe I don't want you living here."

He gave me that same look again. "We have a child Meredith. It's good for Emma if I'm here."

I heard Emma start to cry. "Then you know what? Start paying rent because you're no longer allowed to live here for free. We're not a couple and I don't need your help anymore with Emm. Oh here's a bright idea. Go live with Mark."

"Mark brings a different woman home each night. Do you want Emma around that? I think about it."

I hate it when he's right. "Go up to your room."

* * *

I began working again two weeks later. All of us new residents received five interns and unfortunately for me, George is one of my five. I mean, at least I don't have to watch him with an eagle eye since I assume he knows what he's doing. But then again, he did fail his exam, so who knows how much he really knows.

I approached Derek as he was talking to Mark because I saw that he had taken Emma out of daycare. I tapped on Derek's shoulder from behind. "Uh excuse me." I smiled when he turned around. "Yeah, hi. Why is my daughter out of daycare?"

"Because she wanted to spend some time with daddy." Derek grinned.

"Hey, Derek, isn't that the woman who was flirting with you at Joe's the other night?" Mark pointed out.

I turned around and saw a brunette woman in light blue scrubs and recognized her as one of Cristina's interns. "Of course she's an intern. Apparently you're only attracted to interns. Just don't go getting another one pregnant. And go put my daughter back in daycare."

I walked away before Derek had a chance to defend himself. I went to find Cristina, and found her with Izzie and Alex in the hallway we always hang out in. They were sitting on a gurney and I plotted myself right beside Cristina. "Your intern is a slut, Cristina."

"Which one?"

"The one with short brown hair." I whined. "She was flirting with Derek."

"You mean number two? She'v been asking around for you; probably knows you're the baby mama; wants you to stay away from her man." She teased.

"You're not helping, Cristina." I said.

"It's not like you're with Derek so why should you care?" Alex asked. "He's going to start fucking other women sooner or later."

"He's Emma's father and I don't want him being with another intern, and go knocking her up while he's at it. And I sure as hell know he better not bring one home or anyone for a matter of fact when he's living with me. He can go on and get his ass out of my house if he wants to do that."

"Derek's in love with you, Mer." Izzie said. "I'm sure her flirting meant nothing."

I crossed my arms. "I'm still mad, and tell your intern to stop asking about me, Cristina. Tell her to stay away from Derek while you're at it."

"You're so jealous." Cristina smirked.

I am jealous, aren't I?

Damn it.

Why does Derek Shepherd have to be Derek Shepherd; an amazing guy and an even more amazing father.

I hate him for making me feel like this; making me be jealous of a dumb intern.

* * *

On my way out of the hospital carrying Emma in her car seat, I heard someone shout _Dr. Grey._ I debated stopping because I didn't want to deal with my idiot interns complaining about the 48 hours they have to work. But I told myself I should be a good superior and see what the idiot wants. I turned around, and at that moment, I regretted it.

I hate myself for trying to be a good doctor.

"I don't know who you are, but what more do you want from me other than my baby's father?" I asked. "You're an intern; practically a baby, and shouldn't be dating nor sleeping with attendings." I stopped myself from talking, and started walking towards the exit.

I stopped when the intern said, "I'm Lexie; Lexie Grey, your sister."

She's my sister...

My so called "sister" flirting with Derek makes all of this worse.


	14. Chapter 4: Memories And Promises(UPDATED

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that my sister flirted with Derek; no. That I even have a sister on my dad's side for a matter of fact. I'm honestly surprised, because I figured when he didn't want anything to do with me, it was because he didn't want kids. I guess I was wrong.

He just didn't want me.

I was an unwanted child.

That honestly feels amazing to know.

Emma was laying in her swing as I sat on the floor looking at my mother's old photo albums she kept hidden in her Seattle home. The albums were mainly from before the divorce when what it seemed to be we were a happy family. Mom looked happy, my dad looked happy, and I looked the happiest.

These are the memories I wish I could remember; not all the bad ones that I do.

"Meredith, what are you doing?"

I looked up and saw Derek standing over me. "She's my sister, Derek."

"I'm confused. Who is?"

"The girl who was flirting with you at Joe's! She's my dad's daughter. He didn't want me, so he had to go have another one that he did want with another woman."

Derek crouched down and rubbed my back. "Meredith, you are wanted."

"Maybe four year old Meredith was, but older Meredith wasn't." I shut the album and put it back in the box I found it in. I stood up and turned to Derek as he stood back up himself. "Derek, I'm really happy you want to be Emma's dad, but if you're going to end up doing what my own father did; leave when I was five, then you should just leave now. Emma doesn't need to go through what I did; having a broken family."

Derek placed his hand on my arm. "Meredith, I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"You've made promises before and broke them." I was obviously referring back to when he promised me he was divorcing his wife and then stayed with her anyways.

"I was stupid then and didn't realize what I was doing."

"Exactly, and Emma was this close to not having a dad." I sat down on the couch. "You don't understand what it's like growing up without a father or mother who cares about you. I have issues because of how I grew up."

Derek sighed and sat down beside me. "I'm going to tell you something that my family and I never talk about; especially Amy and myself." He paused and took a deep breath. "This watch I'm wearing; it belonged to my dad; mom saved all her money to give this to him. You see, my father owned a collector's shop, and one day, my little sister and I were behind the counter playing on the floor; I was about ten and Amy, five. Two men with guns showed up and demanded my dad to hand over the money, he did. They then demanded for him to hand over his watch; my dad wouldn't." He paused. I could tell he was replaying the moment in his head. "They shot him and we saw our dad die right before our eyes."

I placed my hand on top of Derek's. "I'm so sorry, Derek."

"So I do know what it's like growing up without a father, Meredith. And I know how important having a father is for a child."

"It's just different for a girl. Girls need to have their fathers in their lives to feel wanted; for reassurance. Lexie; that's my sister's name. She's the total opposite of me because my dad stayed her entire life. I probably wouldn't be who I am today if he just stayed around."

"I love who you are, Meredith, don't you see? Sure you have issues, but so does everyone else. I'm sure your sister has her own issues too."

I looked over at Emma as she continued to swing fast asleep. "Just don't hurt Emma. That's all I want since you already hurt me."

"How many times do I need to apologize?" Derek asked.

I couldn't look at Derek because if I did, he'd see me with tears in my eyes. "Just try to keep this one promise for Emma. She really needs you."

I think Derek knew I was beginning to cry even without me looking at him because he wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed me on my cheek. "This is the last thing you need to worry about because I promise I'll be here for both you and Emma. I love you both more than you can imagine, and hurting you is the last thing I want to do."

I miss being wrapped in his arms.

No, I miss his kisses.

I want to kiss him.

No, Meredith, you can't.

Kissing is bad.

Real bad.


	15. Ch 5: Look Who Came To Dinner(UPDATED)

I can't believe I'm doing this. Derek convinced me to invite Lexie over to my house so I can get to know her. Don't even ask how, but he told me I should give her a chance, so I guess that's what I'm doing. I invited Lexie over for dinner. I told her not to expect anything special or extravagant to eat. She'd be lucky if I don't order pizza, I told her.

On the way home after my shift, I stopped at the store and bought a package of chicken breasts. I was only willing to cook something easy, so that's how I decided on chicken, a salad, rice, and corn. Immediately when I got home, I placed Emma's car seat on top of the table so I'd be able to watch her. I then turned the oven on, and prepped my food. Lexie would be over in an hour or so, so I needed to start cooking.

I did not have enough time to change clothes because as if it was perfect timing, Lexie arrived right when the food was done. Also, if it wasn't perfect timing, Emma began to cry because either she needs her diaper change, she's hungry, or both. I offered Lexie inside with a fake smile on my face. She followed me into the kitchen and I offered her one of Derek's beer or something else to drink.

"Derek won't mind, trust me." I said as I grabbed a cold beer from the fridge. "My friends' always steal his beer. Never complained once, though he probably thinks I'll kick him out if he does." I slammed the door shut and turned around seeing Lexie playing with Emma's hand. "She'll go right to sleep once I give her a bottle."

Lexie turned to me and I handed her the beer. "How old is she?"

"About four months." I smiled. "She, um, was not supposed to happen, but she did, and I'm happy I have her; Derek too, but it wasn't good timing for either of us."

"I just want to clear something up. If I knew about you and Derek, I would had never flirted with him at Joe's. Hell, I wouldn't have flirted if I knew he was my attending."

"You and me both."

"But for the record, he didn't flirt back. So are you two together?"

I sighed as I tested Emma's milk on my skin. "No, but we act like we are, don't we; living and raising a child together? He wants us to be, but... I'm having trust issues with him at the moment, but he keeps proving me otherwise, so who knows."

"Is it because of me you're having trust issues?" Lexie asked.

"No, no. It's... complicated. If you were an intern a year ago, you'd understand, but you weren't, so I'd rather not get into that long, complicated story; especially now that I have somewhat forgiven him for it, but still holds it against him when hep pisses me off or want him to do something for me. It's good leveraged on him."

Lexie chuckled. "Okay."

I picked Emma up out of her car seat and began to feed her her bottle. "Um, let's go eat."

Lexie followed me into the dinning room where I had the food set up. She served herself and I stopped feeding Emma for a minute to make myself a plate. I sat across from Lexie at the table. There was an awkward silence, but I managed to think of a question that would end it.

"So, have you lived here in Seattle your whole life?" I asked.

Stupid question.

"Yeah; mom, me, dad, and Molly."

"Who's Molly? Your dog?" I asked.

"Actually, my- our sister."

Stupid, Meredith.

"She actually just had a baby too; a girl name Laura. You should definitely meet Molly; have a baby play date. I mean, obviously only if you want to."

"I'll think about it." I smiled.

About an hour later Derek came home. Lexie and I were still in the dinning room talking, but I had put Emma to bed about a half hour earlier. Derek entered the dinning room and greeted us and then looked at the leftover food from dinner that was on the table.

"Do I get any of that?" Derek asked.

"Depends if you want to risk eating my food." I teased. "I'm an awful cook, Lexie, ask anyone."

"That is true." Derek said, grabbing a plate. "Dr. Stevens made Meredith a month worth of meals and froze it when Emma was born."

"Well I wouldn't had guessed. The meal was fine."

"Is Emma upstairs?" Derek asked, pulling out the chair beside me.

I nodded once. "She's asleep so don't bother her."

Lexie's pager went off and she groaned. "Please tell me being an intern gets easier."

"Unfortunately, I can't."

"I have no idea how you did it while pregnant."

"I don't know either, honestly."

I walked Lexie to my front door, thanked her for coming, and said by to her. I'm surprised the dinner went better than it did. I found out we have some things in common, besides both having interests in being doctors. Also, Lexie seems like a nice girl and I guess Derek was right and I just have to give her a chance and not hold a grudge against her since she's the innocent one in my whole daddy issue thing.

I returned into the dinning room and began to clean the table.

"So how did it go?" Derek asked. "I tried my best not to come home early; give you two some time to get to know one another."

I looked at him as I reached for the dirty plates. "I thought you had a surgery."

"Yeah, but I actually took my time teaching a pretty simple procedure."

"Well, for your information, the dinner went fine. And I hate to admit this, but you were right."

"When am I ever wrong?" Derek grinned.

"Oh, don't even go there, Derek Shepherd."

"So it went well. That's good, Meredith. I'm happy for you."

"Turns out I have another sister; Molly. She also just had a baby a few months ago; a girl. Lexie thinks we should have a baby play date and meet. I don't know about that."

"Want my opinion on that?"

I looked at him and smiled. "No, but you could help me with this mess. I'm exhausted; worked all day, came home to entertain, and be a mom all at once."

"You go to bed, I'll clean up."

"Are you sure? Because I-"

"You do too much, Meredith. I'll clean up since I told you to do this and you go relax or do whatever you do."

I walked around the table and gave Derek a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."


	16. Ch 6: Baby's First Ferry Ride(UPDATED)

I wasn't scheduled to work today and neither was Derek, so we decided to make this into sort of a family day and take Emma out together. I say sort of because I wouldn't necessarily call the three of us a family. It's a fairly warm fall day, so I dressed Emma in a white dress with little red strawberries on it with a matching bow and white socks. She's definitely the cutest little baby in the whole world. I know all parents say this, but Emma truly is.

Derek wanted to take Emma on her first ferry ride, so I agreed. He also had plans to go up to his land to talk to his contractor about his house plans since we'd be in the area. Derek drove and once his car was on the ferry, I took Emma out of her car seat and we headed up to the outside deck of the ferry. I had Emma wrapped in a white knitted blanket to keep her warm since it does get a little chilly on the ferry, and I don't need her to get sick.

"Derek, you look like a tourist." I said. "Put that camera down."

"Hey, I need to capture my daughter's first ferry ride with her pretty mama."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "You're a ferry boat enthusiast. Don't turn my daughter into one too."

Derek grinned. "Give her to me."

I leaned over the ferry boat railing. This may be one of the most perfect days to be out on the ferry. The water is the bluest I've ever seen, and so is the sky. I turned around and smiled at Derek and Emma. I'm pretty sure the rest of my life I'll continue to wonder how the hell Derek Shepherd keeps looking sexier while holding a baby.

Maybe I just think that because he's holding my baby.

I saw younger and probably single women staring at Derek as he held Emma. They probably think he's sexy too. I walked over to him and took Emma from him. I held her up in the air and kissed her, causing her to smile, and then smirked at the women who were staring at Derek. I was obviously claiming him as my territory, and I don't even know why; I'm not even with Derek.

I hate my jealousy.

As the ferry boat was approaching the ferry station, we went back to Derek's car. I buckled Emma back in her car seat and got into the front beside Derek. It took ten minutes for us to get off the boat once it was docked, but when we did get off, first thing we did was drive up to Derek's land. While he talked with his contractor, I took Emma on a little walk on his land. I haven't been up there since I told him I was pregnant.

Crazy right?

I missed his land. I forgot how amazing the view he has is. I kind of hope Emma will like the outdoors just like Derek, but she'll probably end up as a spoiled little brat like I was. I'm definitely not looking forward to when that day comes.

"Hey, ready to go?"

I turned around and saw Derek approaching me. "I still can't believe you sold the trailer. I thought you loved the trailer."

"Yeah, well, it was good when it was just me. When I bought this land, I had the idea of building a house, and now that I have a daughter, I'm going through with the plan, which meant, bye-bye trailer, right Emma?"

I smiled. "When will it be built and livable?"

"Hopefully by next fall if everything goes to plan. So unfortunately for you, I'll be your roommate for a year."

Is it really unfortunate for me? I don't think so.

"Let's go, I want to eat lunch."

* * *

"Lexie wants me to have dinner with my dad and his wife." I brought up. "She won't listen when I say it's a bad idea."

"Are you asking for my opinion on this?" Derek asked.

"No, I don't care about your opinion anymore unless it concerns Emma."

"You should. I'm a smart man; an experienced man."

"A smart man; I don't know about that. Experienced, depends in what department."

"I'm sure you know what department." He winked at me and I laughed.

"God I hate you."

"No you don't. You love me, just admit it."

"Okay, I'll admit something. I love... Emma so much." I tapped her nose and she smiled. "She honestly has the most perfect smile."

Derek leaned on his left arm and smiled at me. "Are we ever going to try again, Meredith? Start over?" I looked up when he said that. "We have a daughter together, and I know you feel the same as I feel towards you."

I sighed. "I won't lie and say I haven't thought of it, and god, I get jealous when I see women looking at you for some reason. But Derek, you lost my trust when you didn't tell me about Addison and then chose to stay with her after telling me you chose me. You really need to earn my trust back to show me that I'm the one you want because I don't want to go all in like last time and then get hurt."

"I never wanted to hurt you, Meredith, and I'm sorry I did, but it was the past and it's time to move on. Addison is gone, and I do want to be with you." He sat up straighter in his chair. "And I won't lie and say I'm not building this house for the three of us because I am. That's why I wanted your opinion on it."

"You're building that house for us?" I asked.

"Meredith, yes. Why else would I be building this big of a house?"

"Let's just... focus on Emma. She's more important than us; whatever we are. And we shouldn't jeopardize anything."

"Okay, and you continue to think of how great of a guy I am." He grinned. "Especially in bed."

"Hey, watch what you say. I still have the authority to kick you out."

"But you won't."

Derek's right, I won't. I like him around, and it's nice having him around for Emma's first year of life. Plus, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel safer in the house when he's there.

I can't believe I'm turning into such a girl; needing a man to feel safe.

I hate what I'm turning into.

I guess having a baby changes you.


	17. Chapter 7: The Holidays(UPDATED)

The holidays quickly approached and Halloween was first to come. Even though Emma is too young to go trick or treating, I did dress her up as a cute little kitten, with a cat ears headband, and drew little cat whiskers and a cat nose on her face. Let's just say Emma was the cutest little kitten that night.

Next to come was Thanksgiving, and Derek's family invited both him, me, and of course Emma to fly to New York to celebrate it with them. I quickly turned that offer down because there was no way in hell I was going to willingly see Derek's family. Derek didn't go either, and we ended up hosting a Thanksgiving dinner at the house and invited our friends over; Cristina, Izzie, Alex, George, the chief, Mark, Burke, and I even invited Lexie to come or not. Since she does have her own family, it was her total decision.

After Thanksgiving had come and passed, Christmas was next on the list. I decided to fly to the East Coast to spend it with my mother, and Derek tagged along to see his family, and possibly steal Emma from me. We both flew to Boston together, and then he took the train to New York since we wouldn't be staying together.

"Emma has grown quite a bit, Meredith." Mom said as she watched Emma play on the rug. "Since the last time I saw her."

"Well, the last time you saw her, I had just had her." I said. "So now that she's seven months, I'd expect her to be much bigger than she was at birth."

"And the dad's helping?" She asked.

"Yeah, Derek's good. He's an amazing father to Emma; couldn't have asked for someone better."

"I'm glad everything is working then, Meredith."

"Me too." I smiled. "Work is good; Emma's good; everything is just perfect."

My phone vibrated on my lap, and I glanced down at it seeing a new text from Derek. I was paying half attention to what my mom was saying to me because Derek had asked me if I would be willing to come to New York with Emma to see his family, and I had to basically yell at him through text the numerous reasons why I'm not. The main reason because the Shepherds' hate me.

I placed my phone on the arm of the couch and bent down clapping my hands together while I smiled at Emma. "Come on, Emma, show grandma you can crawl." I reached my arms out for her to come to me, but it seemed like Emma was more interested in playing with the new toy my mom had gotten her.

I think it's safe to say my mom is a better grandma than she is mother.

How is that even possible?

I picked Emma up from the floor and went up to my room when I was done talking with my mother. As I was laying in bed with Emma snuggled beside me with a bottle in her mouth, Derek called me and I reluctantly answered. Immediately he was trying to talk me into going to New York to see his family.

I hate him at the moment.

"Derek, shut up and listen. Your family hates me. I'm not going to spend a day or how ever long with people who hate me when I don't have to. Remember how our first meeting went when Emma was born? Because I do, and-"

"What if I promise they'll be good?"

"Your promises always break." I said.

"Well I think I've been pretty good at keeping them lately, and mom and everyone would love to see Emma. How is she by the way?"

"She's fine; currently having bottle so she can go to sleep."

"I miss her, and it's only been two days." He said.

"Do you miss me?" I just had to asked.

"Back to my family." I could tell he was smiling on the other end. "I told my mom and sisters they'd have to be nice if they ever want to see Emma again, so you don't need to worry about them."

"Are you sure because last time-"

"I don't care about last time, Meredith. It was in the past. Let's live in the present. What are you doing tomorrow?" Before I could answer, Derek stopped me. "I'll tell you what you're doing tomorrow. You and Emma will be on a train to New York."

"And what if I don't get on a train?" I asked.

"Then we'll come to you."

"If you can find me."

"I'll see you and Emma tomorrow."

"Only if you're lucky." I hung up and sighed at Emma. "I'm sorry in advance for tomorrow, Em."

* * *

I hate Derek.

He called and woke me up at six in the morning to make sure I'd be on the train by ten since it is a three hour train ride to New York. He also told me to pack clothes in case I decide to stay in New York for the night, if, for some reason I don't end up coming back to Boston. I don't even know why I would stay the night unless I couldn't get on the train for some unknown reason.

I didn't listen to Derek, and only packed extra clothes for Emma since she's still in the stage where she goes through multiple of outfits a day.

I arrived to New York around one. Unfortunately for me, Derek _and_ his mother were at the train station waiting for me.

Have I mentioned I hate Derek Shepherd?

I was honestly ready to turn back around and get back on the train since it's not like they saw us. I had to physically force myself not to, reminding myself what Derek told me: _They will come to me if I don't come to them_.

I was tapped on my shoulder as I started to walk for their direction. I stopped and turned around seeing a man holding Emma's favorite stuffed animal; a white bunny with a pink bow around it's neck.

"Oh my god, thank you." I smiled as he handed it to me. "I don't know what I would have done. She can barely sleep without it."

"No problem." He smiled back.

"Emma, look what you almost lost." I put the stuffed bunny back in the car seat with her and thanked the man once more.

I continued my dreaded walk over to Derek and his mom, and the first thing he said to me was, "Was that guy hitting on you?"

"What are you jealous?" I smirked.

"I don't get jealous, Meredith."

I don't believe that for a second.

I had a fake smile on my face as I greeted his mother Carolyn, and I'm pretty sure she had a fake one on her face too. I guess today will just be filled with fake likeness towards each other.

I sat in the backseat of the car with Emma as we were driven to Carolyn's house. It was awkward for me because I rarely talked or was talked to unless Derek was the one to initiate a conversation.

Have I already mentioned I hate Derek? Because today I do.

* * *

I smiled at Emma when she crawled over to me. She held onto my legs to help her stand up on her own. "Aw, good job!" I picked her up and kissed her on her cheek. "She'll be walking in no time, Derek, I just know it."

"She's obviously like me; an overachiever; ahead in the game."

"Does this really look like someone who was ahead in the game?" One of his sisters asked, holding up a photo of Derek from his high school days.

I couldn't help but laugh because Derek didn't look like Derek. Honestly, he was that kid in school I probably wouldn't had given the time of day to. He looked super nerdy and small. And that hair. Why the hell did nobody help him with his afro?

"Ha ha, real funny." He sarcastically said. "Now put that away, Liz."

I stood Emma up on my lap and smiled at her. "You had a nerdy daddy; an unrecognizable daddy when he was in high school." I laughed and looked at Derek. "No, seriously, Derek, puberty was kind to you once you finally reached it."

"Maybe you shouldn't have come after all."

As the day progressed, it seemed as if Derek was keeping his promise where his family would be nice this time around. Even if they were forcing themselves to be nice and pretend to like me, it's better than them verbally disliking me. When the clock hit six, Derek told me he had a surprise for me, which entails his mother watching Emma.

I hate surprises so you can only imagine what was going through my head.

We ended up in Times Square, and I continued to asked Derek were he was taking me. He wouldn't budge, and I began to get frustrated because it's cold and snowy and I'd rather be at my mother's house with Emma.

"You're taking me to a Broadway show?" I asked.

"I think the correct response is thank you."

"We're not a couple, Derek, and this is what couples do."

Derek reached for my hand. "Come on, you'll enjoy it."

I sighed. "Just for your information, I didn't get you anything."

"You gave me Emma; that's all I need."

Broadway isn't really for me, but it was a nice gesture from Derek. He definitely enjoyed it, and I bet he brought me so he wouldn't have to go alone. I wonder if this is how his old New York life was; going to shows like this every weekend with Addison. We got back to his mother's house around ten, and Emma was fast asleep.

"Emma and I should really get to the train station." I took Emma from Carolyn. "It's late. We won't get back until after midnight."

"Stay the night. You can leave first thing in the morning." Derek said.

"I didn't bring clothes."

"Meredith." Derek sighed. "I told you- Never mind." He shook his head at me. "Come with me."

Derek had me follow him to his room, and he tossed me one of his shirts to wear. "Can I request one of your flannels instead?" I always did love wearing his flannels after we'd have sex; soft, warm, and comfy. What more could you ask for? Derek shook his head at me and tossed me a red and black flannel instead. "Thank you."

Derek left the room and I laid Emma down in the middle of his bed while I changed. His shirt smelt like him, something that I definitely missed since we're not together. I used Emma's baby wipes to wipe most of my makeup off as best as possible so I won't wake up with a smeared makeup look happening. I climbed into the bed beside Emma, and called my mom to tell her I'll be back in the morning instead and not to worry about me if I don't come home, you know, just in case she cares about me just a little bit.

Derek reentered the room and sat down on the side of the bed to take his shoes off. "Didn't I tell you my family would behave themselves?"

"I guess you were right." Derek laid down and held his head up with his right arm. We weren't saying a word to one another, but staring into each other's eyes. Staring into each other's eyes said more than words could. I dropped the gaze and said, "There's a baby in the bed."

"There is a baby in the bed." He agreed. "But there's no baby in the bathroom."

"Derek, we can't; especially not here with your mom down the hall and Emma right here. Sleep is all we're doing tonight."

The next morning I woke up around seven in the morning from Emma getting fussy because she's hungry and needs a diaper change. I had Derek change her diaper while I got dressed so I could get to the train station by a decent time. Once dressed, I breastfed Emma a little bit since I didn't bring extra baby food. Derek's mom did have some bananas so I was able to mush some up for her to eat too.

Around ten, Derek borrowed his mother's car and drove me to the train station. I thanked him for driving me and again, before I got out of the car, we stared at one another in the eye without saying a word. Derek began to lean in to kiss me, and instead of pushing him away, I leaned in and our lips met for the first in a year.

God, I miss his kisses.


	18. Chapter 8: What Does This Mean?

I'm not going to lie.

It's been hard not mounting Derek in my house and have sex with him. I haven't had sex in over a year, and I'm horny and I'm surprised I haven't slipped, knowing there's a sexy unmarried, single man sleeping just two doors down from me. I could have easily slipped and ended up naked in his bed multiple of times. Have I, though?

No.

I was back at work, and god, my interns really know how to make me want to kill them. They're worse than Emma, and she's a baby so that says a lot.

I was in one of my patients' room prepping her for surgery to remove a tumor that I'll be doing with Dr. Bailey. My patient's sister continued to ask me questions about the surgery and her sister's cancer, and I could tell from my patient's facial expressions she was getting very annoyed at it. She eventually told her sister to call their parents back to tell them everything I told them.

"My sister is only capable to talk about cancer, and that's worse than having cancer." Shelly, my patient, said. "So I know I don't know you, but spill."

I looked up from the paperwork when she said that. "Spill what?"

"Anything, I'm begging you; before she comes back and asks you to describe my liver cell by cell. Please."

"Okay, well um... Do you want to hear about my stupid boss or my stupid ex-boyfriend?"

"Uh, ex-boyfriend." She sat up straighter in the bed. "Definitely the ex-boyfriend."

I smiled. "Well first I should tell you that my stupid ex-boyfriend is also one of my stupid bosses, plus my baby's father, and he lives with me. But that isn't even the best part of the whole thing, he was secretly married when I got pregnant with our daughter."

"No way."

"Yes."

I don't even know why I'm spilling my guts out to my patient, but I began from the very beginning to where we are today; Derek's wants a relationship and I don't know if I trust him quite yet.

On our way to the elevator to take her up to surgery, I saw Derek walking down the hallway. "Heads up. Twelve O'clock." Derek smiled and said hi to me as he passed us and I said hi back.

"Uh, you failed to mention the hair." Shelly said.

"Yeah, yeah, the hair. It's one of the many things that do make me happy when I don't hate him."

* * *

When lunch came, I went into the cafeteria and sat down with Cristina. I sighed as I angrily tossed a french fry into my mouth. "I hate it when I have a patient I like who's going to die, and I hate Derek."

"Hey, can I sit here?" Lexie asked, placing her tray of food down in front of me.

"No." Cristina answered. "She stole my patient, Mer. She's my intern, and she stole my patient."

"I'm afraid I'm going to mount Derek when I get home." I said. "I hate him for making me feel the way I do."

"It means you love him!" Lexie said. "It's cute and sweet and Emma deserves you both together, especially since you love each other."

"You're like a hopeless romantic, aren't you?" Cristina asked.

"I am!"

"Oh look, another thing we're different at." I tossed another french fry in my mouth.

"Thank god for that. Honestly, we'd probably wouldn't be friends if you were one." Cristina said. "Two Izzie's in my life is not necessary."

"Guys." I whined. "Tell me what to do so I don't sleep with Derek."

"You could sleep with him." Cristina said. "Get the urge out."

"Or you could confess you want to be with him and then sleep with him." Lexie said.

"Lexie, you weren't around a year ago. You don't know what happened unlike Cristina. It's not that easy to just confess something when you're scared to get hurt again, because trust me, I did confess how I felt to him, and then he chose a different woman."

"Yeah, but he wanted to be sure he and his wife wouldn't work out." She said. "If he didn't try then he wouldn't have been the guy you fell in love with."

God, I hate when other people are right when I'm not.

* * *

I got home before Derek. After I fed Emma, gave her a bath, and put her down in her crib, I went into Derek's room an sat down on his bed waiting for him. I don't know what I was doing, but I did hope I'd figure it out before he got home. I heard Derek shout my name when he entered the house, but I didn't answer. I heard his footsteps walking up the stairs, and he stopped at the entryway to his room when he saw me on his bed.

"Hi." I managed to get out.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked walking further into the room.

"Honestly, I don't know."

"Interesting." Derek placed his jacket on the end of his bed as he walked around the bed to sit down on the side of it. "Well, then." He undid his shoes. "How are you?"

"I don't know." I answered again. "You make my feelings go all over the place."

"I do? How so?" He grinned.

"Because you're you."

"I can't help being me, Meredith, just like you can't help being you."

I crawled across the bed to Derek and sat down beside him. I can't believe I'm about to do this. I climbed onto Derek's lap, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him on his lips. He fell backwards onto the bed as I felt his hands wandering up and down my back. We rolled so that he was on top of me and I was on the bottom of him, still kissing. Derek was the one to pull apart, but that was so he could loosen his shirt so he could take it off. I sat up in the bed, pulled my shirt over my head, and then helped Derek undo his belt.

I really hope Emma won't cry and ruin this.

I laid beside Derek wrapped in his arms when we finished. My head rested on his chest and I listened as his heart and breathing steadied. I looked up at him and he leaned down and kissed me on my lips.

"So, what does this mean?" Derek asked.

* * *

"Mama!"

Emma lit up when she saw me enter the kitchen while she sat in her high chair being fed breakfast by Derek. I walked around the table and gave her a kiss on her cheek. Derek was obviously jealous because when I did that he said, "Do I get one too?"

"I'm late." I grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl on the table and then kissed Derek on the cheek on my way out of the kitchen. "I'll see you at the hospital."

I can't believe Derek and I had sex last night. And what did it mean? I tried my best at ignoring the fact and tried to focus on rounds with my interns. After giving them their assignments, my friends and I hung out in the tunnels waiting for traumas to be rushed in so we could possibly get our hands on some good surgeries.

I yawned as we all sat on a gurney talking. Cristina noticed and said, "Didn't get much sleep last night?" She then smirked at me when I didn't answer. "Oh you dirty girl."

"What?" Izzie asked.

"You know what? Yes I had sex last night. Is that a crime?" I proclaimed. "I'm allowed to have sex."

"So who's the guy?" Cristina asked. "Or did you finally take my advice and do Derek?"

I slammed my hands down on my thighs. "It doesn't matter who I did."

"Oh, she so did Derek." Izzie smirked. "I hope you guys used protection this time."

"So is the sex just sex or is there something more?" Cristina asked.

I sighed in relief when my pager saved me from answering the question I didn't have an answer for.

That whole week I tried my best at avoiding to talk to Derek about our sex night. I wasn't ready to talk about it until I knew exactly what I would say. Luckily, it was pretty easy to avoid that talk because I was paged into the hospital three nights out of the seven, I tried my best at staying late at the hospital, or I went to bed before Derek came home.

I just wanted an answer before we talked about it.

What the fuck does this mean?

 **Alright guys, I decided there's going to be two chapters left, and honestly I think that may be the last chapter to this story. Who knows, maybe I'll surprise you all and do a part 3 :p**

 **I don't know. Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter! Leave a review, follow, and favorite!**

 ****Also, before I go, I think I'll be posting everyday so my last chapter will be up on the 31st. I think that'll be a nice way to end this year, and like I said before, who knows, maybe I'll do a part 3 for the new year :p**

 **Alright, bye guys!**


	19. Chapter 9: Stormy Night

Derek and I stayed home from work today because of a apparent super storm that would be souring through most of Washington. I would had much rather been at the hospital because of the possible great surgeries the storm would cause, but it probably was best to be with Emma in the comfort of my home. So now I was stuck in a house with Derek Shepherd, and he'll probably make me talk to him about our feelings toward each other since I've been able to avoid it for a week. There's no way in hell I can avoid that conversation now.

I had made a fire in the fire place earlier in the day, and I was sitting in front of it on the floor watching Emma play with her toys. I heard in my front door open and close followed by Derek's voice.

"You don't understand how crazy it is out there, Meredith." Derek entered the living room pretty wet carrying a bag of groceries. "People don't know how to drive in this weather. It's good you didn't go into the hospital today." He took his jacket off and laid it on the arm of the couch. Derek walked over to where Emma and I were and crouched down in front of our daughter. "How are you?"

Emma babbled and smiled at him. "She's perfect as you can see." I answered. "She did have a poop explosion not too long ago; that wasn't fun, but she thought it was hilarious. She must be your daughter after all."

Derek smiled. "So how are you?" He asked me. Derek laughed at me when I gave him an annoyed expression on my face. "Not good?"

"I had to clean your daughter's poop explosion."

"So it's stormy out. What should we do? Watch a movie?" Derek suggested. "We could just talk too. Talking could be fun. I think we have a lot to talk about, and what's more of a perfect time than in the middle of a super storm?"

"You want to talk about the other night." I concluded.

"We should. It meant something."

"Fine, let's talk. I'm scared as hell to want you, but here I am wanting you anyway. And fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don't want to lose you, but I did, and now I have the fear you'll do the same exact thing, except with a different woman who comes along, just like my father did."

"Meredith, you don't need to worry about that fear." Derek said. "I love you and I love our family. I want to marry you; have more kids and grow old with you. More importantly, I want to die when I'm one hundred in your arms. I'm not going to leave you again, Meredith, don't you see? I love you more than you can imagine."

"I love you too Derek, but you've said all these things before and-"

"Don't let my pass stupidity keep us apart."

Damn it.

Derek is giving me his McDreamy look I can't handle. If Emma wasn't in the room playing, I'd probably just mount him right here and right now. I'm not sure if it was by luck or what, but our power suddenly went out. Actually, now that I think about it, this is probably worse, because the fire in the fireplace makes this whole moment more romantic.

"Meredith." Derek tilted his head as he crest my cheek with his hand.

I dropped my gaze when I heard Emma say _mama_ and she had crawled over to me holding her arms up for me to pick her up. I sighed and sat her down on my lap. "What do you think, Emma? Should I give daddy a second chance?"

* * *

We must have fallen asleep together because when I woke up, I found Emma laying between me and Derek on the floor in front of the fireplace as the fire died down. Derek had his arm wrapped around us, with a blanket on top of us, and I didn't want to move.

This felt perfect; felt right like it was meant to be.

I went back to sleep, but was woken back up a couple of hours later by the sound of Derek's pager. I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes. "What time is it?"

Derek looked at the watch on his wrist. "A little past five."

"Are you leaving?"

"I'll be back." He promised, kissing me on my forehead and on my lips. "I love you."

"When you get back, you need to shave. Your face is pokey; I don't like it."

"Go back to sleep."

I laid back down and slowly closed my eyes. I only wished Derek didn't have to go.

I was able to get two more hours of sleep before I was paged to the hospital. It wasn't a 911, so I didn't rush, but I have been able to leave the house within thirty minutes after a page if I'm unable to leave Emma with Derek. I didn't feed Emma because of lack of time, but I figured the daycare can feed her.

Does that make me a bad mother; not feeding my daughter before we leave the house?

I dropped Emma off at the daycare and told one of the workers to feed her. I then went up to the resident lounge so I could change into my scrubs. As I was walking out, I was paged to the Chief's office. I sighed because I didn't want to talk to him, but I went on my way.

"Yes, Chief?" I asked as I entered his office. "You wanted to see me?"

"Meredith, take a seat." He stood up from his desk as he said that. "There's been an accident."

My mother was my immediate thought. Something happened to my mother. But it wasn't mother. It wasn't Lexie, either. Definitely not Cristina or one of my other friends.

It was Derek.

"A tree fell while he was driving to the hospital. He's in critical condition; currently in surgery. Dr. Burke and Dr. Michaels are working on him, and I'll join them shortly."

I swallowed, doing my best at not making eye contact. If I made eye contact I was for sure to cry. "Will he be okay; you said he's critical?"

"His injuries are critical, but we hope he'll stabilize once we fix his injuries." The Chief said. "It's not necessary for you to work today, Meredith, if you'd rather just wait and-"

"No. I won't be able to survive if I'd have to wait... Work will distract me until he's out."

The Chief nodded. "Very well, Meredith. Just don't push yourself too hard today. I know this situation must not be easy."

I looked up at him, finally gaining control over my emotions. "It's not, but I'll be fine. I'm um... I'll be fine." I left his office, but I found myself going into a supply closet and falling to the floor bursting into tears.

Derek; he could die. Richard didn't dare to say that, but we all know what critical means. And I just decided to choose him too; give him another chance, and now he could die.

No, Meredith, he won't die. Derek won't die because he's Derek. He's strong and will fight his way to recovery. Derek promised he'd be back, and he'v been good at keeping his promises.

I keep telling myself Derek will be fine, and I have to truly force myself to believe this even though it's hard.

* * *

I was paged to room 324 two hours later. When I got to the room, I found that it's Derek's room. He was laying asleep in bed hooked to many machines. The chief was in the room with one nurse.

"How is he?" I immediately asked.

"He'll be fine, Meredith." The Chief smiled. "Derek will be fine. He should wake up soon; be in some pain. You should be the one to tell him what happened."

I approached the bed and placed my hand on top of his. "Thanks Chief."

Richard left and I was left alone in Derek's room. I held his hand and was waiting patiently until he woke up, whenever that would be. I slid myself onto the side of the bed and gently wrapped my arm around him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Derek." I murmured.

 **Alright guys, one more chapter! Just a future reference for the next chapter, it will be set a few months after this so we won't see Derek recovering from his accident or any of that. I mean, I guess I could have included it in this chapter, but I liked how this ended, so I decided no to.**

 **Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter. Leave a review, follow, and favorite!**


	20. Chapter 10: Happy

_4 Months After Derek's Accident..._

How the hell is Emma already one? A year ago today I had her. A year ago today I was still made at Derek for the crap he pulled on me earlier in my pregnancy. Now look at us. Emma's beginning to walk and talk, and here Derek and I are back together.

So much can change in a year.

"So I found her going through your purse." I turned around in the kitchen and saw Derek holding Emma out to me with lipstick all over her face. "Also, I think you need to buy new lipstick."

"Emma what did you do?" I asked. I wet a paper towel and wiped her face and hands until the lipstick was gone. "Keep a better eye on her next time."

"What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm making a cake because that's what good mothers do; make their children birthday cakes."

"Stevens's the baker; should asked Stevens to do it so it's actually edible."

I knew Derek was teasing my bad cooking. "You know just for that?" I grabbed a kitchen towel and threw it at him. "Get out of here."

Derek laughed on his way out of the kitchen. I can't believe he thinks I can't make a cake. How hard could it possibly be? If worse comes to worse, I'll just go to the store and buy a cake. But either way, I'm determined to make one because that's what good mothers do and I'm really trying to be a good mom.

Derek went to work and dropped Emma off at daycare while I prepped the house for Emma's little party we're having. We invited all our friends over, so it wasn't going to be a real children's party, but more of a _hey we survived the first year of parenthood let's drink and celebrate_ party. Mom couldn't make it because of her demanding work schedule, but she did send some presents, along with Derek's family too. I'm actually shocked at how well my mother is handling being a grandma. Like I said before, she's a better grandma than she is mom.

* * *

Derek came home early with Emma. He had two surgeries scheduled and had to go into one emergency surgery. When they got home, Derek handed Emma off to me, and I went upstairs to give her a bath and get her dress. Once I was done getting the both of us ready, I went back downstairs and brought Emma into the kitchen to feed her. I placed her in her high chair and put a bib on so she wouldn't get her dress all dirty. I then poured some baby cereal on her highchair table and cut up some slices of banana.

"I must say the cake looks good, but the real question now is does it taste good?" Derek smirked at me.

"All that matters is that it's edible." I smirked back. "And tastes okay."

Derek walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind as I began plating the food. I felt his lips very close to my ear and I smiled when he whispered, "Just for you to know, tonight we won't be doing much sleeping." Derek kissed my cheek and let go of my waist.

"Who says I'm down for that?" I asked turning around.

"You always are." Derek grabbed a couple of grapes off the table and tossed them into his mouth.

"As long as it doesn't result in making another baby."

On Derek's way out of the kitchen he said, "You have to admit the process of making a baby is fun."

I had to agree. Sex with Derek is very fun.

People began to arrive around seven baring gifts for Emma. During the party, we mainly drank, ate, and mingled. When we reached the end of the party, Derek and I helped Emma open the gifts she received. After that, we lit the candle on the cake I made, and Derek and I, together, helped Emma blow out the candles.

"Happy birthday!" I exclaimed, kissing her on her cheek. "Even though you caused me a lot of trouble, I still wouldn't wish I didn't have you."

When the clock hit nine, it was time to for Emma to go to bed. Mark was the last person at our house since he and Derek were having what I call a _bromance_. I still can't believe they're friends after Mark deliberately slept with Addison. But whatever, I guess it's Derek's decision who he wants to be friends with, and Mark better as hell not steal _my man_ from me.

I changed Emma into some pajamas and then sat down in the rocking chair to rock her to sleep. I was dosing off myself, but finally after fifteen minutes, Emma was fast asleep, and I quietly left with the baby monitor in hand. I went back downstairs and Mark was now gone. I sat down beside Derek on the couch and rested my head on his shoulder. Derek wrapped his arm around me instead, and I leaned into the side of his body. "Emma's growing up too fast. I can't believe she's one already. Soon she'll be sixteen and driving and bringing boys home."

"Mark and I will keep the boys away." Derek assured.

I smiled. "I hope so. Emma doesn't need to lose her virginity in high school like I did."

"How old were you? No, let me guess, seventeen?" I almost laughed. "No? Eighteen?"

I sat up straighter and smirked. "Fifteen. What about you McNerdy?"

"Did you just call me McNerdy?" Derek laughed.

"I've seen pictures of high school McDreamy and he was no McDreamy."

Derek shook his head at me. "Twenty; I was twenty."

"When you got your first girlfriend, right?" I teased.

I watched as Derek got up from the couch and grabbed a small box that was on the floor. He claimed we forgot to open a present and I rolled my eyes as he handed me the box. "With a box this size, the toy is probably a choking hazard." I opened the box and it held a smaller box; a black jewelry box to be more specific. I looked at Derek confused and he told me to open it. I did and in the smaller box held a diamond ring.

"I'm not going to get down on one knee." Derek told me. "I'm not going to ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

I smiled. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

* * *

The next day before we went to the hospital, Derek took Emma and me up to his land. He said he wanted to show us something. I figured he either wants to show us the finished house or the almost finished house. As we drove up to his land, I couldn't help but keep staring and admiring the diamond ring that sits on my left ring finger shining in the sun.

"So you like it." Derek said glancing off that road at me. "Mark told me I should have gone more extravagant; the bigger, the better he says. But I know you, Meredith. You like simple and basic. That's just who you are."

"I do like simple and basic." I agreed. "I'm just a little surprise you took Mark with you."

"He's my best friend, Meredith."

When we got up to the land, I saw that the house seemed to be finally completed. I took Emma out of her car seat and I followed Derek inside. He immediately asked me what I thought about everything he'v been working on for the past year. Derek was good at keeping the construction and design a secret, and I never thought about asking how the house was going mainly because I forgot he was building a house.

"I love it, Derek. And I especially love the fireplace design." I felt Derek wrap his arms around my waist from behind and I turned around and smiled at him. I placed my hands on his belt as I took a step closer to him. "You're a genius."

"And you're beautiful." Derek pulled me closer to him and kissed me on my lips. "God, if Emma wasn't with us, imagine the things I'd do to you right here and right now."

I giggled. "Oh, Dr. Shepherd."

I got on my tippy toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. We kissed and I couldn't be more happy with how my life is going right about now.

It's perfect.

No, more than perfect.

I'm just simply happy.

 **Not gonna lie, it was hard for me to write this chapter yesterday because I found out awful news about my dog's health Wednesday, but I hope you liked this chapter. This is the end of part 2, which was basically about Emma's first year of life and Meredith meeting Lexie and getting back together with Derek. I might do a part 3, but I guess it'll be a surprise if I do. If I do decide to do it, I'll need to figure out how far into the future it'll be. I have ideas, but I don't think I'd want it to take place immediately after this, but a few years down the line. So let me know what you think!**

 **Okay, thanks for reading, and I hope 2017 will be a better year for everyone who thought 2016 sucked. Bye!**


	21. Chapter 21: The Shittiest Epilogue

**Epilogue**

I'll be honest.

Life with Derek hadn't been the greatest like we all hoped. Two years ago we got in a huge fight where I just ended our engagement. I told Derek I didn't want to be with his stupid self anymore, living in the stupid house he built, and lastly didn't want his stupid ring. The result of this fight ended with me throwing my engagement ring at him, packing some clothes for both me and Emma, and leaving. Derek asked me where I was going. I laughed at that question because first of all, it didn't concern him. And secondly, it was obvious I was going back to my mother's old Seattle home she still owned.

I avoided working with him at the hospital as best as possible. I was back being in the _I hate Derek Shepherd_ mood, wanting nothing to do with him anymore.

I was done.

At least that's what I hoped. He still demanded to see Emma, and obviously I can't kick him out of my daughter's life when she knows who he is now. That would have only worked when she was one and can't remember anything. At two years old, you start to remember certain events, mainly major ones, and I would consider having your dad kicked out of your life as a huge one; you can take me for example and how I turned out.

I began to get jealous when I saw Derek going out on dates. I knew he didn't like the women he was out with; Derek was just taunting me, and unfortunately for me, it was working. I decided two can play at this game. I started going out on dates and meeting people at Joe's bar where I met Derek at. I would pretend I was going back to the guy's place by walking out of Joe's with the man making sure Derek was watching. What Derek didn't know though was that I would say goodnight to the guy or use the I have a kid bombshell to get rid of him. I was sure Derek Shepherd was jealous and getting pissed off after that because soon I stopped seeing him going out with endless of women.

I won at his own game, and I couldn't have been more prouder.

We were broken up for about two months when he came up to me in the hospital and apologized for everything. He told me he was being stupid again. I agreed he was being stupid again. Derek told me he loves me, loves our family, and still wants to marry me. This reminded me back when I was pregnant with Emma and he continued to apologize for being stupid.

I told Derek I still loved him too and apologized for leaving. I told him I shouldn't had left, but he made me so mad I didn't want to look at him, nonetheless even sleep in the same bed as him. I told him I overreacted, but Derek told me I didn't. Basically this conversation was long, but it ended with us kissing and making up; plus makeup sex in a supply closet, but I'm not going to get into that.

I moved back in with Derek that night. I never fully moved out because I figured he'd apologize, I'd forgive him, and we'll get back together and have hot makeup sex. I was just waiting on him to finally realize what the fuck he did and realize he fucked up again. I just wasn't expecting him to take so long to do this. I'm happy he finally did, though, because who knows if he ever would had ever come to that realization.

That night as I was laying in bed, Derek came to me with a crazy idea.

"Let's go to the Bahamas to get married."

Derek was telling me about this beach club in the Bahamas where we could get married at that actually allows us to have drinks during the ceremony. Now if you know me, that sounds like my type of wedding, so obviously I was like, _hell yeah, let's get married in the Bahamas_.

When Derek told his family about us getting married at a beach club in the Bahamas, his mother almost had a heart attack. His family are traditional people; getting married in a grand church, wearing a big white wedding dress people. Derek told his family I'm not that type of person, and they were obviously thrilled to know that.

Did I mention Derek's family still hates me?

Because they do.

I'm sure they went from being very ecstatic people when they heard I ended our engagement, to very disappointed people when they heard we got back together.

Derek and I ignored his family's disapproval of our Bahamas wedding, and went through with our plans. We actually hired a wedding planner to make the whole planning of this easier on us since we're very busy people who don't know how to plan a wedding or are even excited to plan one.

A year later we got married and neither of us could be any happier. Not long after the wedding, maybe four or five months in, I found out I was pregnant with twins. We were actively trying because let's be honest, neither of us are getting any younger and Emma should have siblings not too far apart in age. But twins is something I most certainly was not expecting. Derek finally admitted to me twins run in his family so yippee for me. I get to have two babies growing in my uterus instead of one.

Mark said he'd give me a tummy tuck after the babies are born because let's be honest, my body will not be the same after I have these two fetuses. Derek shut Mark up when he heard him offer that, but honestly, I'd probably consider it since I don't want flabby, stretched out skin. But who knows, maybe I'll bounce back like the very few moms who do.

Not long after I found out I was having twins, I find out my mom's love child with the chief is an intern at the same hospital I work at. I'm assuming the chief didn't even know that otherwise she probably wouldn't had gotten into the program. Almost immediately she tried to talk to me. She told me she wants to know me and my mother. I told her to go away and leave me alone; that there was no way in hell she was going to be part of either my life or my mother's life.

Soon after our confrontation, the whole hospital heard who she was and began to gossip. I could careless about the gossip and stayed out of it since I'm the complete innocent one in this situation. The chief had the nerves to come up to me and asked me if the rumors were true. I said yes and ended the conversation like that. I guess Richard contacted my mother about this because I heard from her and she was yelling at me about the baby she put up for adoption.

"She wasn't supposed to ever find us."

"It's not like I want her to be part of my life either, mom." I told her. "She acts like she can just show up and expect us to be welcoming her with open arms."

After all that died down, I went on with my normal life and that love child went on with hers. Throughout the next months, Derek and I had to get ready for the babies to arrive and I had to get ready for my boards exam since this is fifth year. I'll be taking the exams about two months before my due date, but with twins, they come early.

I really hope they don't.

Derek and I have been discussing our future employments, and as much as I'd hate to move, if I get a job offer at my number one choice, which is in Boston, we'll probably move there and his mother can help with the kids. As much as I dislike Derek's family, the idea of that keeps looking better and better because my mother's love child won't be around.

Derek and I found out we are having a boy and a girl at my twenty week check up. I thanked all the gods out there for that because now I won't have to worry about mixing them up, especially if I ended up having identical twins. That night Derek and I began talking names. He hated how I kept referring them to fetus 1 and fetus 2. By one in the morning, we decided on the names.

 _Derek Grayson_ and _Alice Olivia_.

Obviously our son is most likely going to be called Gray or Grayson for the most part, but Derek and his big ass ego wanted to have our son named after him. I hated the idea at first, but I figured this could be Derek's only son, so I should at least give him a little pleasure with the name choice. I say this could be his only son because after having the twins, I'll probably be done.

The boards exams had come and past and luckily for me, I passed which means I'm board certified. I also go a job offer to my number one hospital choice. It's a woman's hospital, which also has the best general surgery department.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. I decided to specialize in general instead of neuro.

Derek also got a job offer to run the neuro department at Harvard university so I guess we are moving to Boston once the babies are born. We both accepted our jobs but won't beginning until the babies are at least two months old.

Two weeks later I had gone into labor. Unfortunately, I was unable to have the babies naturally so I had to have a c-section.

Actually, now that I think about it, I should be grateful for that because of the less pain.

Derek never left my side which I was happy about because let's be honest, I was a little bit scared. Being a doctor, you know what type of complications can happen, even with a minor surgery. I've seen those complications where we couldn't save the mother. So, yes, I was a little bit scared.

I was in the hospital for a few days recovering and being made sure I wouldn't develop an infection. Derek brought Emma in every day to see me and the babies and she's excited to have a brother and sister. Well, I think she's mainly happy to have real life "baby dolls" to play with.

Now here I am a mother of three. I would have never thought at the beginning of my intern year I'd be ending my residency like this. Fuck, I didn't think I'd be married to Derek for a matter of fact. But I'm happy I did and life couldn't be any better for me.

"Meredith, Gray's hungry." Derek held our crying son out to me. "And my nipples are no use to him."

Actually scratch that.

Maybe life could be better.

 **Ahh, okay. So I decided just to do an epilogue and try to include everything I was planning to do with part 3. I apologize again for not finishing part 3, but I truly didn't want to give you shitty chapters because the rest of the story has awesome chapters.**

 **Okay, thanks for patiently waiting for an update and following this story! I hope you're happy with this epilogue. I'm pretty sure there will be no sequel unless I come up with an idea I'd want to do with full interest. But don't expect one.**

 **You probably won't see me for a while because again, much busier this semester with college, but not busy enough that I won't write. So maybe expect some stories in the future ;p**

 **Thanks for reading! Bye!**


End file.
